Messy Room? How To Get Your Teen To Clean It!

Many parents become extremely frustrated because their teenager’s room is always a mess. I have heard of parents who take the time to go in and clean their room for them from floor to ceiling only to see it become a mess again in a few days. Teens and messy rooms is a source of conflict for many, many parents since often times teenagers don’t care if their rooms are messy. Sometimes, increasing a teens’ motivation to keep their room clean (or at least semi-clean) makes a big difference. To do this, it is important to think about what motivates them – is it having their computer in their room, being able to have friends over, having you give them rides places, being able to use the car? Next, think about how you can use this to increase their motivation – perhaps they cannot keep their computer in their room unless they show they are able to take care of the other things in their room. Perhaps they are not allowed to have friends over unless they are able to keep their room looking presentable. Or maybe, you tell them that you are not able to give them rides if they cannot maintain their room on their own. Take some time to think about this and figure out what may work with your teenager and then let them know the approach you will be taking so that they first have an opportunity to clean their room before losing one of their privileges.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

What If I Don't "Like" My Teen?

Do you ever feel like you don’t “like” your teenager? If so, you likely also feel very guilty for even thinking like this. If you have had or are having this thought, you are not alone. When parents feel that they do not “like” their teens it is because they are overwhelmed, frustrated and feel disrespected. Generally parents in this situation love their teens very much which is what causes the strong emotions to arise. As a parent, you want what is best for your teenager and when you see them living in opposition to your values and rules, it can cause you to really not want to be around them or to have a lot of anger towards them. If you are feeling like this, try sitting down and making a list of the things you like about them and the things they are doing that you don’t like. This will help put things in perspective and will remind you that what you don’t like is their behaviors rather than their whole being. Reframing your feelings and understanding that you don’t like their behaviors (rather than not liking them as a person) can help with your overall frustration level and can eliminate the guilt you may be feeling if having negative emotions towards your teen.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you notice that it seems like you are fighting with your teen constantly, it may be because you are so frustrated with your teen that you are critical or disapproving of almost everything they do. In a calm moment, think about what things you argue about that you can let go for now in an effort to decrease the overall tension and conflict in your house. For example, you likely want to stand firm with your rules about curfew but maybe can let go of arguing about whether they make their bed every day. Try thinking about this for a bit and see what you can come up with.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens and Summer

Summer vacation can be stressful – especially in the hot weather when everyone becomes a little more “cranky”. Parents often struggle with what to do with their teenagers because they don’t want them sitting around the house all summer watching TV or playing video games but also don’t want them out without any structure. Try to help them create a balance and help build in some structure for them. Try to schedule times when they should be out being active – either at a gym (many have summer memberships), as part of a sporting league, with neighborhood friends, or even with you going for a walk or riding bikes. Encourage that they do some sort of physical activity regularly. Physical activity is the best medicine for improving negative moods and for staying fit mentally and physically. Also – try to periodically plan special things you can do as a family – go to a beach, a pool, a park, to visit with relatives, etc. Try to plan some family field trips to offer them some variety in their schedules as well as to allow for positive time together. Finally, know that it is normal for teens to want to sleep, to get lost in TV or video games or to just want to “hang out” sometime and that this is fine – you should just keep an eye on their overall balance to make sure that they are getting enough social interaction and physical activity.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Give Praise For Positive Behavior

No matter what is going on in your lives, it is important that you give your teenager praise for the things they do right. “Catch them being good” and let them know you recognize it. Many teens feel that everything they do is wrong (and often times it feels like this is the case), however, as the parent you want to make sure that they do not begin to see themselves as “all bad” or as a “bad kid”. By noting the positive and reinforcing that your teenager’s positive actions are an important part of them you will both improve their self esteem and promote more positive behaviors. We generally get more of whatever we are focusing on so…if you want more good…put some focus on the good.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Talk...Don't Yell

This is often easier said than done as the parent of a teenager due to your level of frustration at times. Generally if someone is yelling, the other person tunes them out which is no different with your teenager. If you are screaming at them, they will likely scream back or shut down – both responses indicate that they are not hearing what you are saying and even if they hear your words, they are certainly not internalizing them. If you find yourself getting to the point where you are yelling or screaming, it is okay to say to your teenager, “I really don’t want to be yelling at you so I am going to take a little time to cool down and then I hope that we can discuss this respectfully”. This is teaching your teen positive communication skills instead of aggressive ones, showing them that you respect them and will likely make for a much more positive discussion.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Being Supportive To Your Teenager

There are many tips and ways of being supportive to your teen which will continue to be shared in this blog. Below are three that are very important and that can really make a difference in your overall relationship with your teen.


1. Validate them – let them know that you understand and that you can appreciate what they are experiencing.

2. Empathize – let them know that you understand the emotions they are feeling and know that they are real and often times very painful or difficult.

3. Show them unconditional love - even when they are trying your patience or when they have made a poor decision, let them know that you love them and always will.


For more details on how to develop these skills check out www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with practical tips about how to use these skills with your teenager.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Responsible Versus Overprotective Parenting

Of course you want to see your child succeed and will work hard to make sure they have all the opportunities they deserve. However, it is important to make sure that in wanting the best for your child that you are not being overprotective. The danger in being overprotective is that your child may not learn how to be responsible for themselves, may not learn that there are natural consequences for their behavior and may not learn the lesson that hard work can pay off. Signs that you may be overprotective of your teenager are:


• You will do whatever it takes to see your child successful

• You make excuses for your teen and blame others for things that go wrong

• You “rescue” your teenager – you bail them out of difficult situations every time

• You are always going out of your way to make your teenager happy

• You minimize problems that your teenager is having or you try to rationalize their behaviors

• You try to always be liked by your teenager and give in to all their requests – even when you don’t agree

• You try to “appease” your teen and rescue them form difficult feelings – you never allow them to sit with uncomfortable feelings

If you notice that you are doing some or all of these things, you may want to consider allowing your teenager to fail sometimes or experiences the real consequences of their decisions so that they learn how to take responsibility for their actions as well as learn how to take action to change situations they do not like instead of always relying on you to do so.



Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!