There are many tips and ways of being supportive to your teen which will continue to be shared in this blog. Below are three that are very important and that can really make a difference in your overall relationship with your teen.
1. Validate them – let them know that you understand and that you can appreciate what they are experiencing.
2. Empathize – let them know that you understand the emotions they are feeling and know that they are real and often times very painful or difficult.
3. Show them unconditional love - even when they are trying your patience or when they have made a poor decision, let them know that you love them and always will.
For more details on how to develop these skills check out www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with practical tips about how to use these skills with your teenager.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
What To Do If You Lose Your Cool
As a parent, there will be times when you lose your cool. Your teenager will frustrate you so much you will react out of emotion and say things you would not normally say, do things you would not normally do or yell and make threats you regret. Your strong emotions likely come for your love and concern for your teen and your worry about them when they are making poor decisions or they are not respecting you or your rules. Again, this happens to most parents, however, what is important is that you recognize it and really make an effort to not allow yourself to react in that way again. Some steps you can take if you have been in this situation:
1. Acknowledge it with your teenager – let them know that you are sorry for being emotional, tell them that you get upset like that because you love them, worry about them, etc. and tell them that you will work hard to make sure you do not respond out of emotions like that again (this is being a great role model for them).
2. Don’t let your guilt about the situation make you give in – you may feel really bad that you were hurtful, however, this does not likely change the situation which resulted in your outburst in the first place. So…you should apologize but not give in out of guilt since consistency is one of the most important tools you have.
3. Make a plan for next time – it is likely that your teen will push your buttons again so it is helpful to have a plan for what you will do the next time. Be able to recognize when you are getting to that point and take a break, leave the room, tell your teen you will talk to them in a little bit when you are feeling calmer, go outside and breath some fresh air, try some deep breathing, etc.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Acknowledge it with your teenager – let them know that you are sorry for being emotional, tell them that you get upset like that because you love them, worry about them, etc. and tell them that you will work hard to make sure you do not respond out of emotions like that again (this is being a great role model for them).
2. Don’t let your guilt about the situation make you give in – you may feel really bad that you were hurtful, however, this does not likely change the situation which resulted in your outburst in the first place. So…you should apologize but not give in out of guilt since consistency is one of the most important tools you have.
3. Make a plan for next time – it is likely that your teen will push your buttons again so it is helpful to have a plan for what you will do the next time. Be able to recognize when you are getting to that point and take a break, leave the room, tell your teen you will talk to them in a little bit when you are feeling calmer, go outside and breath some fresh air, try some deep breathing, etc.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Do You Lose Your Cool?
How to recognize if you are going to lose your cool because you are so upset with your teen
Let’s face it, your teenager can push your buttons like nobody else can which can result in you exploding. There are some signs you can watch for which likely come before the big explosion which will cue you into the fact that you should calm down before responding.
1. Look for physical cues – what happens to your body when you are getting ready to blow? Some common physical cues are feeling hot, heart beating faster, clenching fists or jaw or feeling tense all over. It is helpful to be able to recognize your physical cues as they are often the earliest warning sign that you are going to lose your cool.
2. Notice if you are raising your voice, slamming things down, slamming doors, etc. These are more obvious signs that you are in a fairly high emotional state.
3. Notice if you are making threats or saying things that are hurtful or things you would not normally say. This is usually a sign that you are feeling desperate to get through to your teenager because you feel like they are not hearing or understanding your point of view.
Being able to recognize these signs early on can help you put the brakes on the situation so that you can take some time to calm down and respond in a thoughtful and productive manner. Generally when we respond out of anger or other strong emotions, we are less effective and less productive in accomplishing whatever we are trying to accomplish.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Let’s face it, your teenager can push your buttons like nobody else can which can result in you exploding. There are some signs you can watch for which likely come before the big explosion which will cue you into the fact that you should calm down before responding.
1. Look for physical cues – what happens to your body when you are getting ready to blow? Some common physical cues are feeling hot, heart beating faster, clenching fists or jaw or feeling tense all over. It is helpful to be able to recognize your physical cues as they are often the earliest warning sign that you are going to lose your cool.
2. Notice if you are raising your voice, slamming things down, slamming doors, etc. These are more obvious signs that you are in a fairly high emotional state.
3. Notice if you are making threats or saying things that are hurtful or things you would not normally say. This is usually a sign that you are feeling desperate to get through to your teenager because you feel like they are not hearing or understanding your point of view.
Being able to recognize these signs early on can help you put the brakes on the situation so that you can take some time to calm down and respond in a thoughtful and productive manner. Generally when we respond out of anger or other strong emotions, we are less effective and less productive in accomplishing whatever we are trying to accomplish.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Your Teens Friends At Your House
As a parent, it is important that you get to know your child’s friends and that you show your child that their friends are welcome into your home (assuming you approve of these friends of course). However, you should not feel like you need to open up your house like it is a clubhouse where your teen’s friends hang out all the time. Often times parents are guilted by their teens into allowing their friends over all the time. As the parent, you should clearly set some parameters around this to make sure that your family has private (more peaceful!) time and that your teen’s friends do not just show up anytime they feel like it. Establish a process by which your teenager needs to ask for permission (preferably not when their friends are standing at your front door) ahead of time, set some limits around sleepovers, time you expect friends to leave, rides, etc. Having these guidelines and enforcing them consistently will reduce arguing and will allow you to manage when you have company instead of having your teenager manage this.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Ready For Summer?
Many parent don’t see summer “vacation” as a vacation at all! Parents often worry about the amount of unstructured time their children have during the summer break. Some suggestions to help ease your mind and to help structure your teens’ time during the summer break are:
1. Have them get a part time job – depending on what they are willing to do, some teens as young as 14 are able to find jobs babysitting, mowing lawns, as camp counselors, etc.
2. Give them household jobs they are responsible for – it helps if you offer them a little cash incentive but think of things around the house that you would like to get done but never have time for and make a list for your teen (washing the windows, weeding the garden, cleaning the oven, washing / detailing the cars, etc)
3. Have your teen find volunteer work. This is a great way to teach civic responsibility while also building in structure to your teen’s summer. Be creative and think about any volunteer opportunities that may tie into their strengths and interests.
4. Have them join a sports league, a dance team, a music group, etc.
5. Look for local camps. Often time there are ½ day camps so that they can attend camp in the morning and still have their afternoons free.
While it is important for teens to have some down time, it is also important that they do not sleep all day, sit around in front of the TV or computer all day and that they feel like they are doing something worthwhile during the summer months. The earlier you set your expectations, the less resistance you will get when the time comes!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Have them get a part time job – depending on what they are willing to do, some teens as young as 14 are able to find jobs babysitting, mowing lawns, as camp counselors, etc.
2. Give them household jobs they are responsible for – it helps if you offer them a little cash incentive but think of things around the house that you would like to get done but never have time for and make a list for your teen (washing the windows, weeding the garden, cleaning the oven, washing / detailing the cars, etc)
3. Have your teen find volunteer work. This is a great way to teach civic responsibility while also building in structure to your teen’s summer. Be creative and think about any volunteer opportunities that may tie into their strengths and interests.
4. Have them join a sports league, a dance team, a music group, etc.
5. Look for local camps. Often time there are ½ day camps so that they can attend camp in the morning and still have their afternoons free.
While it is important for teens to have some down time, it is also important that they do not sleep all day, sit around in front of the TV or computer all day and that they feel like they are doing something worthwhile during the summer months. The earlier you set your expectations, the less resistance you will get when the time comes!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Teens and Money
Does your teenager think you have endless amounts of money? Do they think that you are the worst parent in the world if you won't give them money for the latest gadget or things that "everyone else in the whole world has" so therefore they also "have to have"? Teens need to learn delayed gratification and that there are limits to what they can have. Saying no, helping them budget or make choices about what they get in addition to having them wait until a special event are all graet ways of teaching your teen the meaning of money and of patience. The key is that if you say no to buying them something, you cannot then "give in" and go buy it because they have continued to badger you or have made you feel guilty about your decision. Be consistent and stick to what you said!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Getting Homework Done
Are you constantly battling with your teenager about doing homework? Do you feel like a broken record every night? If so, you are not alone. Getting teens to do their homework, worrying about their grades and trying to juggle everything else in your life can be overwhelming and frustrating to say the least. One thing to consider is that it is hard for them to be motivated to do homework after being in school all day doing work so try to be patient and validate their perspective. Some things that may help are:
1. Have a set homework time built into your routine each day - the more structure the better. But….allow your teen to pick the time they want to do their homework and give them a chance to follow through. (obviously if they do not, they you should intervene)
2. Praise them for the times they are doing their homework. Notice when they are doing things right and acknowledge that they are working hard.
3. Be consistent. If you tell them that they will lose their phone if they do not pass a test or hand in assignments then follow through with this each and every time. The thought of really losing their phone may very well motivate them to get their homework done.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Have a set homework time built into your routine each day - the more structure the better. But….allow your teen to pick the time they want to do their homework and give them a chance to follow through. (obviously if they do not, they you should intervene)
2. Praise them for the times they are doing their homework. Notice when they are doing things right and acknowledge that they are working hard.
3. Be consistent. If you tell them that they will lose their phone if they do not pass a test or hand in assignments then follow through with this each and every time. The thought of really losing their phone may very well motivate them to get their homework done.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
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