Drugs and Alcohol and Teens

Many parents of teenagers worry about whether they are experimenting with or abusing drugs and/or alcohol and I often get questions from parents about what signs and symptoms to look for. I have included a list below which includes many warning signs of potential substance abuse by teenagers. Please remember, if you sees these symptoms in your teen it does not automatically mean they are abusing substances, however, it is indication that something could be wrong and you should seek further evaluation either with your child’s doctor or a licensed therapist:


• Loss of interest in activities

• Withdrawl from family members / friends

• Change in group of friends

• Mood swings

• Anger outbursts or irritability

• Forgetfulness

• Truancy and/or grades dropping

• Breaking rules / increased defiance or disrespect

• Changes in sleep or appetite

• Paranoia

• Increase in amount of sickness or cold-like symptoms

• Red / glossy eyes

• Changes in physical appearance (not as “neat looking”, poor hygiene)

• Sneaky behaviors




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Parenting Teens Is Not Easy

Remember…you are doing this without a guidebook, rulebook or instructional manual and there will be some trial and error. This is normal so don’t be too hard on yourself! What is important is that if something does not seem to be working that you acknowledge it and work to make improvements whether on your own or with the support of others.

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Messy Room? How To Get Your Teen To Clean It!

Many parents become extremely frustrated because their teenager’s room is always a mess. I have heard of parents who take the time to go in and clean their room for them from floor to ceiling only to see it become a mess again in a few days. Teens and messy rooms is a source of conflict for many, many parents since often times teenagers don’t care if their rooms are messy. Sometimes, increasing a teens’ motivation to keep their room clean (or at least semi-clean) makes a big difference. To do this, it is important to think about what motivates them – is it having their computer in their room, being able to have friends over, having you give them rides places, being able to use the car? Next, think about how you can use this to increase their motivation – perhaps they cannot keep their computer in their room unless they show they are able to take care of the other things in their room. Perhaps they are not allowed to have friends over unless they are able to keep their room looking presentable. Or maybe, you tell them that you are not able to give them rides if they cannot maintain their room on their own. Take some time to think about this and figure out what may work with your teenager and then let them know the approach you will be taking so that they first have an opportunity to clean their room before losing one of their privileges.

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What If I Don't "Like" My Teen?

Do you ever feel like you don’t “like” your teenager? If so, you likely also feel very guilty for even thinking like this. If you have had or are having this thought, you are not alone. When parents feel that they do not “like” their teens it is because they are overwhelmed, frustrated and feel disrespected. Generally parents in this situation love their teens very much which is what causes the strong emotions to arise. As a parent, you want what is best for your teenager and when you see them living in opposition to your values and rules, it can cause you to really not want to be around them or to have a lot of anger towards them. If you are feeling like this, try sitting down and making a list of the things you like about them and the things they are doing that you don’t like. This will help put things in perspective and will remind you that what you don’t like is their behaviors rather than their whole being. Reframing your feelings and understanding that you don’t like their behaviors (rather than not liking them as a person) can help with your overall frustration level and can eliminate the guilt you may be feeling if having negative emotions towards your teen.

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Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you notice that it seems like you are fighting with your teen constantly, it may be because you are so frustrated with your teen that you are critical or disapproving of almost everything they do. In a calm moment, think about what things you argue about that you can let go for now in an effort to decrease the overall tension and conflict in your house. For example, you likely want to stand firm with your rules about curfew but maybe can let go of arguing about whether they make their bed every day. Try thinking about this for a bit and see what you can come up with.

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Teens and Summer

Summer vacation can be stressful – especially in the hot weather when everyone becomes a little more “cranky”. Parents often struggle with what to do with their teenagers because they don’t want them sitting around the house all summer watching TV or playing video games but also don’t want them out without any structure. Try to help them create a balance and help build in some structure for them. Try to schedule times when they should be out being active – either at a gym (many have summer memberships), as part of a sporting league, with neighborhood friends, or even with you going for a walk or riding bikes. Encourage that they do some sort of physical activity regularly. Physical activity is the best medicine for improving negative moods and for staying fit mentally and physically. Also – try to periodically plan special things you can do as a family – go to a beach, a pool, a park, to visit with relatives, etc. Try to plan some family field trips to offer them some variety in their schedules as well as to allow for positive time together. Finally, know that it is normal for teens to want to sleep, to get lost in TV or video games or to just want to “hang out” sometime and that this is fine – you should just keep an eye on their overall balance to make sure that they are getting enough social interaction and physical activity.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Do You Have A Short Fuse

It’s easy to lose your patience quickly when there have been several troubling behaviors, when there has been a lot of arguing or questioning of your authority or when you are just plain exhausted. If you are noticing that you have a “short fuse”, try to explore what may be at the root of it and address it if you can. In the meantime, allow yourself time to relax and set limits on others so that you are not feeling as overwhelmed. Some suggestions for doing this include: saying “no” to someone who asks you for a favor, going for a short walk by yourself, asking others for help or giving yourself time out alone or with adult friends.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!