Give Praise For Positive Behavior

No matter what is going on in your lives, it is important that you give your teenager praise for the things they do right. “Catch them being good” and let them know you recognize it. Many teens feel that everything they do is wrong (and often times it feels like this is the case), however, as the parent you want to make sure that they do not begin to see themselves as “all bad” or as a “bad kid”. By noting the positive and reinforcing that your teenager’s positive actions are an important part of them you will both improve their self esteem and promote more positive behaviors. We generally get more of whatever we are focusing on so…if you want more good…put some focus on the good.

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Talk...Don't Yell

This is often easier said than done as the parent of a teenager due to your level of frustration at times. Generally if someone is yelling, the other person tunes them out which is no different with your teenager. If you are screaming at them, they will likely scream back or shut down – both responses indicate that they are not hearing what you are saying and even if they hear your words, they are certainly not internalizing them. If you find yourself getting to the point where you are yelling or screaming, it is okay to say to your teenager, “I really don’t want to be yelling at you so I am going to take a little time to cool down and then I hope that we can discuss this respectfully”. This is teaching your teen positive communication skills instead of aggressive ones, showing them that you respect them and will likely make for a much more positive discussion.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Just Talk With Your Teen

Many parents feel that they have lost touch with their teenager and that there is no communication between themselves and their teenager – and they are likely right. Many parents find that the only time they are talking to their teenager is to address difficult issues, to issue them consequences or to tell them the things they are doing wrong. It is good to talk about light subjects that are non-threatening and fun to discuss so that when the time comes to discuss the difficult issues, your teenager is more tolerant and comfortable. Talk about a TV show, the weather, music, what other relatives are doing, how your day was a work…really anything…what is important is that you are working to communicate with your teenager on an ongoing basis.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Be The Parent....Even When It Is Really Difficult

Your job as a parent is very challenging and there are times when you have to make difficult and unpopular decisions, however, this is part of your role. It can be easy for parents to fall into the role of “friend” with their teenager because it feels better than always being the “bad guy”. While it is important for parents to support, listen to and encourage their teens, it is also important to be consistent, enforce the rules (even when unpopular) and withstand the heat from your teen who may rebel and tell you that you are doing it all wrong. Your teen cannot always see the longer term consequences of their decisions since they are typically about living in the moment. As their parent, it is your role to step in and make decisions that are in the best interest of their safety and well being.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Listening and Talking To Your Teen

Teenagers today have more opportunities to make bad decisions than they did in years past – the world is a scarier place and it is easier for teens to access thing as well as for others to gain access to them. This is all the more reason that you must be a positive, consistent person in your teenager’s daily life. Listen to them without immediate judgment, lecturing or advising. If you are too quick to offer your advice or judge them, they are more likely to shut down because they will not feel heard which can be very important for teens. Even though they may never tell you, teens find comfort in knowing their parents are consistently there and accepting of them. Feeling this will decrease the chances that they will go elsewhere to seek this acceptance which often times can lead to significant problems.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Allow Your Teen To Make Some Mistakes

It can be tempting to want to fix your teenagers mistakes and rescue them from any pain they may be experiencing, however, this is not always the most helpful route. We all make poor decisions at times and part of growing up and becoming a responsible adult is learning how to take responsibility for our mistakes. This is a valuable skill for your teen to learn while they are still younger and the stakes are generally not as high as they are for adults. If your teenager is experiencing the natural consequences of a poor decision they made, it is often helpful to allow them to experience those consequences and difficult feelings and to learn from their mistakes. Even if your instinct is to jump in and bail them out of a situation or to try to make the situation better for them, take a moment to think about whether they could learn a valuable lesson by your allowing them to manage the situation on their own. In addition, if you bail them out too many times they will always expect you to be there to rescue them, even when they are an adult, and that is not a situation you want to get into!

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens And Swearing

Some parents become very frustrated that their teenager is swearing and does not respond to their request to stop. Teens often minimize the impact swearing can have on others and rationalize this behavior by saying everyone does it, pointing out when you swear, saying it is not hurting anyone, etc. However, as we all know, swearing can put others off, create significant problems with school or work and is generally not socially acceptable so you are wise to work with your teen to eliminate this behavior. Some suggestions for extinguishing this behavior are:


1. Speaking with them calmly and respectfully about why this behavior is not acceptable in your home and let them know that you have the same “no swearing” expectation for everyone in the house. (of course, if you or another adult in the home swears regularly you will likely have a hard time with this and will likely not be able to get your teenager to stop swearing)

2. Create consequences for swearing that are fair, consistent and reasonable. Be clear with your teenager about what your expectations are and what the consequences will be for not following your expectations. (for more information about setting appropriate and enforceable consequences go to www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with tips and action steps you can take)

3. Follow through! As always, this is the most critical step in effective parenting of teenagers.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Being Supportive To Your Teenager

There are many tips and ways of being supportive to your teen which will continue to be shared in this blog. Below are three that are very important and that can really make a difference in your overall relationship with your teen.


1. Validate them – let them know that you understand and that you can appreciate what they are experiencing.

2. Empathize – let them know that you understand the emotions they are feeling and know that they are real and often times very painful or difficult.

3. Show them unconditional love - even when they are trying your patience or when they have made a poor decision, let them know that you love them and always will.


For more details on how to develop these skills check out www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with practical tips about how to use these skills with your teenager.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

What To Do If You Lose Your Cool

As a parent, there will be times when you lose your cool. Your teenager will frustrate you so much you will react out of emotion and say things you would not normally say, do things you would not normally do or yell and make threats you regret. Your strong emotions likely come for your love and concern for your teen and your worry about them when they are making poor decisions or they are not respecting you or your rules. Again, this happens to most parents, however, what is important is that you recognize it and really make an effort to not allow yourself to react in that way again. Some steps you can take if you have been in this situation:


1. Acknowledge it with your teenager – let them know that you are sorry for being emotional, tell them that you get upset like that because you love them, worry about them, etc. and tell them that you will work hard to make sure you do not respond out of emotions like that again (this is being a great role model for them).

2. Don’t let your guilt about the situation make you give in – you may feel really bad that you were hurtful, however, this does not likely change the situation which resulted in your outburst in the first place. So…you should apologize but not give in out of guilt since consistency is one of the most important tools you have.

3. Make a plan for next time – it is likely that your teen will push your buttons again so it is helpful to have a plan for what you will do the next time. Be able to recognize when you are getting to that point and take a break, leave the room, tell your teen you will talk to them in a little bit when you are feeling calmer, go outside and breath some fresh air, try some deep breathing, etc.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Do You Lose Your Cool?

How to recognize if you are going to lose your cool because you are so upset with your teen


Let’s face it, your teenager can push your buttons like nobody else can which can result in you exploding. There are some signs you can watch for which likely come before the big explosion which will cue you into the fact that you should calm down before responding.

1. Look for physical cues – what happens to your body when you are getting ready to blow? Some common physical cues are feeling hot, heart beating faster, clenching fists or jaw or feeling tense all over. It is helpful to be able to recognize your physical cues as they are often the earliest warning sign that you are going to lose your cool.

2. Notice if you are raising your voice, slamming things down, slamming doors, etc. These are more obvious signs that you are in a fairly high emotional state.

3. Notice if you are making threats or saying things that are hurtful or things you would not normally say. This is usually a sign that you are feeling desperate to get through to your teenager because you feel like they are not hearing or understanding your point of view.

Being able to recognize these signs early on can help you put the brakes on the situation so that you can take some time to calm down and respond in a thoughtful and productive manner. Generally when we respond out of anger or other strong emotions, we are less effective and less productive in accomplishing whatever we are trying to accomplish.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Your Teens Friends At Your House

As a parent, it is important that you get to know your child’s friends and that you show your child that their friends are welcome into your home (assuming you approve of these friends of course). However, you should not feel like you need to open up your house like it is a clubhouse where your teen’s friends hang out all the time. Often times parents are guilted by their teens into allowing their friends over all the time. As the parent, you should clearly set some parameters around this to make sure that your family has private (more peaceful!) time and that your teen’s friends do not just show up anytime they feel like it. Establish a process by which your teenager needs to ask for permission (preferably not when their friends are standing at your front door) ahead of time, set some limits around sleepovers, time you expect friends to leave, rides, etc. Having these guidelines and enforcing them consistently will reduce arguing and will allow you to manage when you have company instead of having your teenager manage this.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Ready For Summer?

Many parent don’t see summer “vacation” as a vacation at all! Parents often worry about the amount of unstructured time their children have during the summer break. Some suggestions to help ease your mind and to help structure your teens’ time during the summer break are:


1. Have them get a part time job – depending on what they are willing to do, some teens as young as 14 are able to find jobs babysitting, mowing lawns, as camp counselors, etc.

2. Give them household jobs they are responsible for – it helps if you offer them a little cash incentive but think of things around the house that you would like to get done but never have time for and make a list for your teen (washing the windows, weeding the garden, cleaning the oven, washing / detailing the cars, etc)

3. Have your teen find volunteer work. This is a great way to teach civic responsibility while also building in structure to your teen’s summer. Be creative and think about any volunteer opportunities that may tie into their strengths and interests.

4. Have them join a sports league, a dance team, a music group, etc.

5. Look for local camps. Often time there are ½ day camps so that they can attend camp in the morning and still have their afternoons free.

While it is important for teens to have some down time, it is also important that they do not sleep all day, sit around in front of the TV or computer all day and that they feel like they are doing something worthwhile during the summer months. The earlier you set your expectations, the less resistance you will get when the time comes!


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens and Money

Does your teenager think you have endless amounts of money?  Do they think that you are the worst parent in the world if you won't give them money for the latest gadget or things that "everyone else in the whole world has" so therefore they also "have to have"?  Teens need to learn delayed gratification and that there are limits to what they can have.  Saying no, helping them budget or make choices about what they get in addition to having them wait until a special event are all graet ways of teaching your teen the meaning of money and of patience.  The key is that if you say no to buying them something, you cannot then "give in" and go buy it because they have continued to badger you or have made you feel guilty about your decision.  Be consistent and stick to what you said!

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Getting Homework Done

Are you constantly battling with your teenager about doing homework? Do you feel like a broken record every night? If so, you are not alone. Getting teens to do their homework, worrying about their grades and trying to juggle everything else in your life can be overwhelming and frustrating to say the least. One thing to consider is that it is hard for them to be motivated to do homework after being in school all day doing work so try to be patient and validate their perspective. Some things that may help are:

1. Have a set homework time built into your routine each day - the more structure the better. But….allow your teen to pick the time they want to do their homework and give them a chance to follow through. (obviously if they do not, they you should intervene)

2. Praise them for the times they are doing their homework. Notice when they are doing things right and acknowledge that they are working hard.

3. Be consistent. If you tell them that they will lose their phone if they do not pass a test or hand in assignments then follow through with this each and every time. The thought of really losing their phone may very well motivate them to get their homework done.



Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!