5 FINAL Tips for Reducing Arguing With Your Teenager

1.  Remain sitting if at all possible when your teen is arguing with you – this will help them feel less threatened and view you as being calmer which may work to help them calm down as well.


2.  Try not to take things personally. Often teens will say hurtful and mean things to parents which is not acceptable or okay in my opinion. Despite this, it is important that parents do not respond out of emotion. It is more helpful for parents to let their teen know how their words impacted them and that it is not acceptable during a non-emotional time rather than to try to tackle this issue when your teen is already upset and not listening to you. Using tip 10 can be effective at this point in an argument.

3.  Validate your teenager even if you don’t agree with everything they are saying. Having your teen feel heard is often more important than having them feel like you agree with what they are saying.

4.   Do your best to communicate with your teenager during non-confrontational times. Having regular communication (perhaps at family dinners) will help them communicate effectively with you ongoing so that you are not only communicating during emotional times.
5.  Pick your battles. Your teenager will test you with what they wear, their music and subjects they bring up just to name a few. Be thoughtful about the battles you want to fight and know that much of the time they are just testing the waters and trying to figure out who they are which will pass in a short period of time.

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5 More Tips To Reduce Arguing With Your Teen

Below are 5 additional tips to reduce arguing with your teenger:

1.  Offer choices whenever possible and allow compromises when possible.

2.   Accept that your teenager is not going to talk to you about everything. Pushing them to talk about topics which are uncomfortable or upsetting will often result in their lashing out at you. Obviously if you are concerned about their safety you will need to push them, however, if your interest in a certain topic is more out of curiosity, sometimes it is better to just leave the topic alone than to argue with them about it.
3.  Regardless of how loud your teen is yelling, keep your voice low. Your teen will have to lower their own voice to hear you and in addition, just speaking softly can lower the tension in the room.

4.  Try to use “I” statements rather than blaming statements. For example, you may say, “I get really worried about you when you don’t come home for your curfew” instead of “You keep messing up by coming in late for your curfew”. In both situations, you are letting them know it is unacceptable but it is harder for them to argue the “I” statement which is less blaming.

5.  If your teenager is getting really out of control, tell them that you are ending the conversation for 10 minutes until everyone calms down some and then you will be willing to revisit the conversation (this may mean you need to go into the bathroom or go for a drive to allow for this break and to physically move from the situation).



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5 Tips Reduce Arguing With Your Teenager

For many parents of teenagers, the frequent conflict and arguing can be overwhelming.  Below are some tips that can significantly reduce overall arguing with your teenager.

Tips For Parents To Minimize Arguing:

1. Allow everyone to have a fair opportunity to say what they would like to say. Don’t just keep talking and repeating the same thing over and over without giving your teenager an opportunity to express their thoughts or how they feel.

2. Do your best not to interrupt when your teen is speaking their mind – this will increase the chances that they will listen while you speak.

3. Let your teenager know that you cannot speak to them when they are yelling and respond effectively when they stop yelling. Praise them during times when they are able to express themselves effectively.

4. Do your best to stick to the point and not bring up the past, other situations or bring others into the conversation unless it directly relates to them.
5. During arguments, never “put down” or make fun of your teenager.

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Eating Disorders: Signs and Symptoms In Teens

As a parent it is helpful to know some of the actual Signs and Symptoms of and Eating Disorder which include (this list is not meant to be inclusive):


1. Abnormal weight loss of 25% or more without any medical explanation

2. A noticeable reduction in food intake and /or a denial of hunger

3. Prolonged exercise despite exhaustion, fatigue or weakness

4. Intense fears about gaining weight

5. Purging after meals

6. Binging sometimes and then restricting food significantly at other times

7. Unusual patterns of handling food or eating food


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Teenage Tips For Safety On The Internet And With Social Media

As we all know, technology is a wonderful thing but can also be dangerous when users are not informed.  As a parent, it is critical that you offer your teenager education on the dangers associated with using technology.  Below are some tips for parents of teenagers:
1. Educate your teen about the permanency of their messages and photos. Make sure your teenagers know that their messages never go away (even when deleted) and that they can come back and haunt them in the near or distant future so that they are more likely to think about what they are sending before actually sending it. Make sure that they are aware that messages can be forwarded to many, many people and remind them not to say anything that could come back to haunt them.  Photos can also be cut and pasted from your teen's site and used on other site that individuals create.

2. Remind your teen to not open links or attachments unless they know who they are from. Often times these contain pornographic photos or content or could generate junk emails or inappropriate emails to their account.
3. Randomly check who your teen is communicating with. In most instances, parents have purchased or are paying for their teenager’s computers or phones so they absolutely have a right to be checking them. At least 1/3 of teens report that their parent would not approve of all that they are doing online. If they are using their computer or phone inappropriately then, as the parent, you should take it away until they can adhere to your expectations.

4. Put your computer in a public place if possible. Doing this will automatically increase your ability to supervise your teenagers email and IM activity.

5. Set clear expectations and follow through. Be very clear with your teenager about what they can and cannot do with their computer and/or phone and about what your oversight will be. They may tell you that you don’t understand and that nobody else has restrictions on their computer use, however, you have every right to set up clear rules and guidelines for your teenager. Some parents restrict use until homework is done, take away certain features if grades fall (i.e. no text messaging on their phone) or set expectations that their teenager not erase any history on their phone or computer so that it can be checked regularly.

6. Educate your teenager about not sharing personal information with people they do not know. Make sure your teen knows never to share their address or detailed information about themselves with people they do not know. In addition, make sure they do not share any information related to your finances, banking information, etc. which could result in identify theft.
7. Let them know you are there. Let your teenager know that they can come to you if they are worried or have questions about anything. Many times teens won’t seek support and will get themselves into more trouble because they are afraid to let someone know what is happening. Reminding them that you are there to help and support them may make a difference should a time arise when they are scared or worried and really need your support.


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Communication: Using "Active Listening" With Your Teenager

Using Active Listening with them will increase the chances they will use it with you! By actively listening you are letting your teenager know that you are interested in what they have to say and that they are important. In order to do this, you should stop doing anything else that you are doing and focus on your teenager. You should really listen to what they are saying and not be thinking about your response to them or thinking about what is for dinner. They will know the difference and will know when you have truly turned into what they are saying. By modeling this skill for them they will feel important and may also learn how to use active listening themselves.



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Improve Communication With "Door Openers"

“Door Openers" versus“Door Slammers”:  Door Openers are phrases and words which are open ended and allow your teenager to share their thoughts and feelings on a subject.  For example:  “Do you want to talk about it?”, “What do you think about this?”, “I think you may be able to help us out with this, what are your ideas?”  These phrases let your teen know you value what they think and does not send them the message that you are trying to control them.  Door Slammers are phrases and words that shut down conversations and make teenagers feel powerless or unimportant.  For example:  “That is none of your business”, “I don’t care what your friends are able to do”, “Don’t come crying to me when you mess this up”, “We are not going to talk about this again”.  These phrases and words generally come out during times of frustration (and are very normal so don’t feel bad if you have used them) but generally create more tension and frustration for teens who are already feeling confused and powerless in their lives. 
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Things That May Push Your Teenager Away

While there is no right or wrong way to parent, there are some things that parents do that tend to push their teens away.  These include:


1. Yelling and Screaming. This is often a natural reaction to situations your teenager may create, however, is generally not helpful and can quickly cause them to view you as the “bad guy” and resent you.

2. Saying you were right and they were wrong. Teens typically respond very poorly to this type of comment or lecture.  As a parent, there will be many situations where you tell your teen what to do and they will chose not to listen to you which resulted in a negative outcome.  This is normal and it is important that you try to trust that they will learn from thier mistakes more than they will from having you remind them that they were wrong.

3. Giving extreme consequences. Teenagers will become resentful if the consequences you give them are extreme in an effort to make a point. For example, if Susie returns 30 minutes late with the car an extreme consequence may be that she cannot drive the car for 6 months. The point will get lost in the outrageousness of the consequence. When giving consequences to teenagers, the consequences should be meaningful and time limited.


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Nobody Wants To Hear "I Told You So"

Nobody ever wants to hear this phrase and teenagers are no exception.  As a parent, you will likely have many “I told you so” moments.  You will offer advice to your teenager, they will refuse your advice and then down the road the exact thing you predicted would happen...happens.  It will be extremely tempting to use these situations as an opportunity to tell your teenager that they should listen to you more because you were right.  While all of that is true, it is better to allow your teenager an opportunity to “save face” and not feel ashamed by the situation.  They will know that your advice would have been worth taking but will likely never tell you this.  Getting into a power struggle about who was right and who was wrong will likely only create resentment in your teenager.  As a parent, you can continue to offer your suggestions and hope that over time your teenager will see that you do have something worthwhile to offer them!

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Don't Act Out Of Strong Emotion

This can be extremely difficult when your teenager pushes your buttons or makes a decision which is harmful or highly inappropriate. As a parent who cares deeply about their child, of course you are going to be emotional (angry, scared, disappointed, frustrated) when these things happen which is normal and not a problem at all. What does sometimes become a problem is when parents act out of these strong emotions. In these situations parents often times say things that they later regret, however, even with an apology, their teen who already has insecure and fragile self esteem will hang onto the emotional response which can damage the parent – teen relationship. It is better to take time to calm down, gather your thoughts (even write them down so that you remain on track when speaking with your teenager) and then speak with your teenager about the situation.


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Teenage Sexual Exploitation (Prostitution)

Although exact numbers are not clear, it is estimated that there are more than 300,000 teenagers in the United States who are being exploited through prostitution. Many believe these numbers are much higher. The average age at which a girl enters prostitution is 14 years old – this age appears to be dropping and there have been reports of girls as young as age 6 being exploited through prostitution. There is not one single factor which makes a teenage girl vulnerable to be recruited into the life of prostitution, however, there are certain factors which are believed to increase one’s risk. These include: coming from a broken home, a history of abuse, having a mother who is promiscuous, poor relationship with parents, truancy and a history of running away which is the biggest factor which can lead to one becoming sexually exploited. Two thirds of girls who run away are exploited by prostitution and girls who run away are likely to be approached by a pimp within forty eight hours of being on the run.

The best way to help young girls at risk is through education and prevention.  Parents should talk to their girls about what to do if someone approaches them and tries to befriend them through gifts and excessive compliments.  Parents should also notice if their daughter seems to be bringing home a lot of new clothes, gifts or jewelry.  Don’t ignore this – be persistent in finding out where the items are coming from.  Finally, if you have a daughter who is running away, she is at the most risk.  It is important to talk to her if you are able and if not, to find someone who can. 

In short, low self esteem combined with a lack of guidance and support from adults makes girls vulnerable to being recruited into the life of prostitution.
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Teenage Boys - Why Do They Pull Away

Do you lack communication with your male teenager?  Do you feel like they live in their room and you hardly see them let alone know anything that is going on in their life?  Are they constantly out with friends yet you have no idea who these friend are, who their families are or what they do when they spend time together?  Do they decline your offers to spend time doing family things?  If any or all of these scenarios apply to your son, you have a pretty typical teenage boy. 

• The first and strongest reason for boys behaving in this way is that they are working towards achieving independence and in order to do this, they need to separate from you, who they have depended on for so many years of their life.  They do not know how to do this thoughtfully or gracefully (or may not even really realize they are doing it) so they just isolate from you as a way of not feeling so dependent on you.
• Secondly, it is normal for boys to be embarrassed about changes going on as their bodies mature. Boys also experience an increase in sexualized feelings which can be overwhelming and not something they want to discuss with their parents.
• Finally, it is very normal during adolescence for friends to become more important than parents or other family members. This is not a negative reflection on the family but rather a shift from seeing the family as the center of the world to really wanting to discover the larger world that is out there as a way of establishing independence.   

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