Nobody Wants To Hear "I Told You So"

Nobody ever wants to hear this phrase and teenagers are no exception.  As a parent, you will likely have many “I told you so” moments.  You will offer advice to your teenager, they will refuse your advice and then down the road the exact thing you predicted would happen...happens.  It will be extremely tempting to use these situations as an opportunity to tell your teenager that they should listen to you more because you were right.  While all of that is true, it is better to allow your teenager an opportunity to “save face” and not feel ashamed by the situation.  They will know that your advice would have been worth taking but will likely never tell you this.  Getting into a power struggle about who was right and who was wrong will likely only create resentment in your teenager.  As a parent, you can continue to offer your suggestions and hope that over time your teenager will see that you do have something worthwhile to offer them!

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Just Talk With Your Teen

Many parents feel that they have lost touch with their teenager and that there is no communication between themselves and their teenager – and they are likely right. Many parents find that the only time they are talking to their teenager is to address difficult issues, to issue them consequences or to tell them the things they are doing wrong. It is good to talk about light subjects that are non-threatening and fun to discuss so that when the time comes to discuss the difficult issues, your teenager is more tolerant and comfortable. Talk about a TV show, the weather, music, what other relatives are doing, how your day was a work…really anything…what is important is that you are working to communicate with your teenager on an ongoing basis.

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Listening and Talking To Your Teen

Teenagers today have more opportunities to make bad decisions than they did in years past – the world is a scarier place and it is easier for teens to access thing as well as for others to gain access to them. This is all the more reason that you must be a positive, consistent person in your teenager’s daily life. Listen to them without immediate judgment, lecturing or advising. If you are too quick to offer your advice or judge them, they are more likely to shut down because they will not feel heard which can be very important for teens. Even though they may never tell you, teens find comfort in knowing their parents are consistently there and accepting of them. Feeling this will decrease the chances that they will go elsewhere to seek this acceptance which often times can lead to significant problems.

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Saying "NO" And Sticking To It

Learning to say “NO” to your teenager can be a huge challenge. Teenagers don’t like hearing the word NO and can be pretty creative in getting parents to change their minds or in wearing their parents down until they say “YES”. While this can be an exhausting process at first – it is important that if you say NO to something that you stand firm in your decision. Get support from others if needed but after a several times of saying NO and really meaning it (meaning you don’t give in or change your mind), your teen will learn that NO really does mean NO and they will stop their efforts to badger you and wear you down.

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Giving Teens Choices

Giving teens choices is important. This helps them learn to make healthy decisions and learn to deal with the natural consequences of their choices. Try to think of areas where you can give your teen choices which may stop them from arguing about everything while also helping them learn responsibility.

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Connecting With Your Teenager

Even if your teenager is pulling away, it is important to work to spend quality time checking in with them with them each and every day. Knowing your teenager – what they like, don’t like, how they are doing in school and with friends makes a big difference in the overall impact of your parenting. Make sure you are checking in with your teenager (while not being overbearing), even if they respond in a way that makes you feel like you are a nuisance.

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