Teenage Eating Disorders - What To Do As A Parent

If you believe your teen has or is developing an eating disorder you should seek professional psychological and medical treatment as soon as possible and be aware that the treatment process for a developed eating disorder can be a lengthy process. If you are concerned that your child has a poor body image but do not feel that they have any real eating disorder, the following suggestions may be helpful:


1. Don’t encourage your teen to eat, watch them eat, or initiate discussions about weight. This will just further draw attention to the issue and they may pick up on your nervousness about this issue.

2. Don’t speak negatively about food or weight and don’t point out how good someone looks just because they are thin.

3. Don’t feel guilty as a parent if your teenager is struggling with body image – it is not your fault and it is important that you do not focus on feelings of guilt but rather on ways you can offer support.

4. Don’t let your concerns cause you to neglect other things in your life such as outside interests or other family members who need your attention and support just as much as your teen who is struggling with their body image.

5. Don’t put them down or try to compare them to others – this will only further reduce their low self esteem.

6. Let them know that you are there to listen if THEY want to talk about it.

7. Put a lot of focus on other things they do well – not just on how they look so that they see their self worth as more than just physical appearance.

8. Encourage your teen to be active doing things they enjoy rather than focusing on specific weight loss activities that are rigid and feel like a chore instead of fun.

9. Encourage your teen to find something positive about themselves each day – it may be a challenge at first but will help them to focus on their competencies and positive things they can offer others.

10. Have fun and nutritious foods in the house so your teen does not feel guilty when they do want to snack.

11. If at all possible (and this is very, very difficult), try to limit your teen’s exposure to the media which portrays unrealistic body types.

12. Compliment actions – compliment what they do, not how they look.

13. Love your child – they will sense this and your acceptance is extremely important to them even if they don’t show it!


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Parenting Your Teen: Are You A Helicopter Parent

Helicopter Parents


If you think about the role of a helicopter it is to hover, watch, protect and rescue. This is what “Helicopter Parents” do with their teenagers. On the surface Helicopter Parents appear to be very involved and supportive of their teenagers, however, what ends up happening is that they do so much for their teenager that their teenagers don’t get to experience real life, worry, pain or consequences because their parents are jumping in and protecting them when difficult situations arise.

Helicopter Parents are very afraid of their children failing so they rescue them out of worry, guilt or because they want to be needed by their children. These parents are genuinely concerned and love their children, however, they prevent their children from becoming responsible because they are always there as a safety net. Parents who continue to drive their teenagers to school when they repeatedly wake up late and miss the bus or who continue to give their teenagers extra money when they overspend their allowance or money from a part time job are considered Helicopter Parents.

The teens of these parents never learn what it is like to have to make up for their mistakes or experience discomfort because they made poor decisions. The bigger problem arises when the “helicopter” is no longer in their lives and all of the sudden they are adults who have no concept of what it means to be truly responsible for themselves.

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5 FINAL Tips for Reducing Arguing With Your Teenager

1.  Remain sitting if at all possible when your teen is arguing with you – this will help them feel less threatened and view you as being calmer which may work to help them calm down as well.


2.  Try not to take things personally. Often teens will say hurtful and mean things to parents which is not acceptable or okay in my opinion. Despite this, it is important that parents do not respond out of emotion. It is more helpful for parents to let their teen know how their words impacted them and that it is not acceptable during a non-emotional time rather than to try to tackle this issue when your teen is already upset and not listening to you. Using tip 10 can be effective at this point in an argument.

3.  Validate your teenager even if you don’t agree with everything they are saying. Having your teen feel heard is often more important than having them feel like you agree with what they are saying.

4.   Do your best to communicate with your teenager during non-confrontational times. Having regular communication (perhaps at family dinners) will help them communicate effectively with you ongoing so that you are not only communicating during emotional times.
5.  Pick your battles. Your teenager will test you with what they wear, their music and subjects they bring up just to name a few. Be thoughtful about the battles you want to fight and know that much of the time they are just testing the waters and trying to figure out who they are which will pass in a short period of time.

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5 More Tips To Reduce Arguing With Your Teen

Below are 5 additional tips to reduce arguing with your teenger:

1.  Offer choices whenever possible and allow compromises when possible.

2.   Accept that your teenager is not going to talk to you about everything. Pushing them to talk about topics which are uncomfortable or upsetting will often result in their lashing out at you. Obviously if you are concerned about their safety you will need to push them, however, if your interest in a certain topic is more out of curiosity, sometimes it is better to just leave the topic alone than to argue with them about it.
3.  Regardless of how loud your teen is yelling, keep your voice low. Your teen will have to lower their own voice to hear you and in addition, just speaking softly can lower the tension in the room.

4.  Try to use “I” statements rather than blaming statements. For example, you may say, “I get really worried about you when you don’t come home for your curfew” instead of “You keep messing up by coming in late for your curfew”. In both situations, you are letting them know it is unacceptable but it is harder for them to argue the “I” statement which is less blaming.

5.  If your teenager is getting really out of control, tell them that you are ending the conversation for 10 minutes until everyone calms down some and then you will be willing to revisit the conversation (this may mean you need to go into the bathroom or go for a drive to allow for this break and to physically move from the situation).



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Eating Disorders: Signs and Symptoms In Teens

As a parent it is helpful to know some of the actual Signs and Symptoms of and Eating Disorder which include (this list is not meant to be inclusive):


1. Abnormal weight loss of 25% or more without any medical explanation

2. A noticeable reduction in food intake and /or a denial of hunger

3. Prolonged exercise despite exhaustion, fatigue or weakness

4. Intense fears about gaining weight

5. Purging after meals

6. Binging sometimes and then restricting food significantly at other times

7. Unusual patterns of handling food or eating food


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Communication: Using "Active Listening" With Your Teenager

Using Active Listening with them will increase the chances they will use it with you! By actively listening you are letting your teenager know that you are interested in what they have to say and that they are important. In order to do this, you should stop doing anything else that you are doing and focus on your teenager. You should really listen to what they are saying and not be thinking about your response to them or thinking about what is for dinner. They will know the difference and will know when you have truly turned into what they are saying. By modeling this skill for them they will feel important and may also learn how to use active listening themselves.



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Things That May Push Your Teenager Away

While there is no right or wrong way to parent, there are some things that parents do that tend to push their teens away.  These include:


1. Yelling and Screaming. This is often a natural reaction to situations your teenager may create, however, is generally not helpful and can quickly cause them to view you as the “bad guy” and resent you.

2. Saying you were right and they were wrong. Teens typically respond very poorly to this type of comment or lecture.  As a parent, there will be many situations where you tell your teen what to do and they will chose not to listen to you which resulted in a negative outcome.  This is normal and it is important that you try to trust that they will learn from thier mistakes more than they will from having you remind them that they were wrong.

3. Giving extreme consequences. Teenagers will become resentful if the consequences you give them are extreme in an effort to make a point. For example, if Susie returns 30 minutes late with the car an extreme consequence may be that she cannot drive the car for 6 months. The point will get lost in the outrageousness of the consequence. When giving consequences to teenagers, the consequences should be meaningful and time limited.


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Nobody Wants To Hear "I Told You So"

Nobody ever wants to hear this phrase and teenagers are no exception.  As a parent, you will likely have many “I told you so” moments.  You will offer advice to your teenager, they will refuse your advice and then down the road the exact thing you predicted would happen...happens.  It will be extremely tempting to use these situations as an opportunity to tell your teenager that they should listen to you more because you were right.  While all of that is true, it is better to allow your teenager an opportunity to “save face” and not feel ashamed by the situation.  They will know that your advice would have been worth taking but will likely never tell you this.  Getting into a power struggle about who was right and who was wrong will likely only create resentment in your teenager.  As a parent, you can continue to offer your suggestions and hope that over time your teenager will see that you do have something worthwhile to offer them!

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Don't Act Out Of Strong Emotion

This can be extremely difficult when your teenager pushes your buttons or makes a decision which is harmful or highly inappropriate. As a parent who cares deeply about their child, of course you are going to be emotional (angry, scared, disappointed, frustrated) when these things happen which is normal and not a problem at all. What does sometimes become a problem is when parents act out of these strong emotions. In these situations parents often times say things that they later regret, however, even with an apology, their teen who already has insecure and fragile self esteem will hang onto the emotional response which can damage the parent – teen relationship. It is better to take time to calm down, gather your thoughts (even write them down so that you remain on track when speaking with your teenager) and then speak with your teenager about the situation.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Don't Act Out Of Strong Emotion

This can be extremely difficult when your teenager pushes your buttons or makes a decision which is harmful or highly inappropriate. As a parent who cares deeply about their child, of course you are going to be emotional (angry, scared, disappointed, frustrated) when these things happen which is normal and not a problem at all. What does sometimes become a problem is when parents act out of these strong emotions. In these situations parents often times say things that they later regret, however, even with an apology, their teen who already has insecure and fragile self esteem will hang onto the emotional response which can damage the parent – teen relationship. It is better to take time to calm down, gather your thoughts (even write them down so that you remain on track when speaking with your teenager) and then speak with your teenager about the situation.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!