Don't Act Out Of Strong Emotion

This can be extremely difficult when your teenager pushes your buttons or makes a decision which is harmful or highly inappropriate. As a parent who cares deeply about their child, of course you are going to be emotional (angry, scared, disappointed, frustrated) when these things happen which is normal and not a problem at all. What does sometimes become a problem is when parents act out of these strong emotions. In these situations parents often times say things that they later regret, however, even with an apology, their teen who already has insecure and fragile self esteem will hang onto the emotional response which can damage the parent – teen relationship. It is better to take time to calm down, gather your thoughts (even write them down so that you remain on track when speaking with your teenager) and then speak with your teenager about the situation.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Parenting Teens Is Not Easy

Remember…you are doing this without a guidebook, rulebook or instructional manual and there will be some trial and error. This is normal so don’t be too hard on yourself! What is important is that if something does not seem to be working that you acknowledge it and work to make improvements whether on your own or with the support of others.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Messy Room? How To Get Your Teen To Clean It!

Many parents become extremely frustrated because their teenager’s room is always a mess. I have heard of parents who take the time to go in and clean their room for them from floor to ceiling only to see it become a mess again in a few days. Teens and messy rooms is a source of conflict for many, many parents since often times teenagers don’t care if their rooms are messy. Sometimes, increasing a teens’ motivation to keep their room clean (or at least semi-clean) makes a big difference. To do this, it is important to think about what motivates them – is it having their computer in their room, being able to have friends over, having you give them rides places, being able to use the car? Next, think about how you can use this to increase their motivation – perhaps they cannot keep their computer in their room unless they show they are able to take care of the other things in their room. Perhaps they are not allowed to have friends over unless they are able to keep their room looking presentable. Or maybe, you tell them that you are not able to give them rides if they cannot maintain their room on their own. Take some time to think about this and figure out what may work with your teenager and then let them know the approach you will be taking so that they first have an opportunity to clean their room before losing one of their privileges.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

What If I Don't "Like" My Teen?

Do you ever feel like you don’t “like” your teenager? If so, you likely also feel very guilty for even thinking like this. If you have had or are having this thought, you are not alone. When parents feel that they do not “like” their teens it is because they are overwhelmed, frustrated and feel disrespected. Generally parents in this situation love their teens very much which is what causes the strong emotions to arise. As a parent, you want what is best for your teenager and when you see them living in opposition to your values and rules, it can cause you to really not want to be around them or to have a lot of anger towards them. If you are feeling like this, try sitting down and making a list of the things you like about them and the things they are doing that you don’t like. This will help put things in perspective and will remind you that what you don’t like is their behaviors rather than their whole being. Reframing your feelings and understanding that you don’t like their behaviors (rather than not liking them as a person) can help with your overall frustration level and can eliminate the guilt you may be feeling if having negative emotions towards your teen.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Talk...Don't Yell

This is often easier said than done as the parent of a teenager due to your level of frustration at times. Generally if someone is yelling, the other person tunes them out which is no different with your teenager. If you are screaming at them, they will likely scream back or shut down – both responses indicate that they are not hearing what you are saying and even if they hear your words, they are certainly not internalizing them. If you find yourself getting to the point where you are yelling or screaming, it is okay to say to your teenager, “I really don’t want to be yelling at you so I am going to take a little time to cool down and then I hope that we can discuss this respectfully”. This is teaching your teen positive communication skills instead of aggressive ones, showing them that you respect them and will likely make for a much more positive discussion.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Just Talk With Your Teen

Many parents feel that they have lost touch with their teenager and that there is no communication between themselves and their teenager – and they are likely right. Many parents find that the only time they are talking to their teenager is to address difficult issues, to issue them consequences or to tell them the things they are doing wrong. It is good to talk about light subjects that are non-threatening and fun to discuss so that when the time comes to discuss the difficult issues, your teenager is more tolerant and comfortable. Talk about a TV show, the weather, music, what other relatives are doing, how your day was a work…really anything…what is important is that you are working to communicate with your teenager on an ongoing basis.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Listening and Talking To Your Teen

Teenagers today have more opportunities to make bad decisions than they did in years past – the world is a scarier place and it is easier for teens to access thing as well as for others to gain access to them. This is all the more reason that you must be a positive, consistent person in your teenager’s daily life. Listen to them without immediate judgment, lecturing or advising. If you are too quick to offer your advice or judge them, they are more likely to shut down because they will not feel heard which can be very important for teens. Even though they may never tell you, teens find comfort in knowing their parents are consistently there and accepting of them. Feeling this will decrease the chances that they will go elsewhere to seek this acceptance which often times can lead to significant problems.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens And Swearing

Some parents become very frustrated that their teenager is swearing and does not respond to their request to stop. Teens often minimize the impact swearing can have on others and rationalize this behavior by saying everyone does it, pointing out when you swear, saying it is not hurting anyone, etc. However, as we all know, swearing can put others off, create significant problems with school or work and is generally not socially acceptable so you are wise to work with your teen to eliminate this behavior. Some suggestions for extinguishing this behavior are:


1. Speaking with them calmly and respectfully about why this behavior is not acceptable in your home and let them know that you have the same “no swearing” expectation for everyone in the house. (of course, if you or another adult in the home swears regularly you will likely have a hard time with this and will likely not be able to get your teenager to stop swearing)

2. Create consequences for swearing that are fair, consistent and reasonable. Be clear with your teenager about what your expectations are and what the consequences will be for not following your expectations. (for more information about setting appropriate and enforceable consequences go to www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with tips and action steps you can take)

3. Follow through! As always, this is the most critical step in effective parenting of teenagers.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Do You Lose Your Cool?

How to recognize if you are going to lose your cool because you are so upset with your teen


Let’s face it, your teenager can push your buttons like nobody else can which can result in you exploding. There are some signs you can watch for which likely come before the big explosion which will cue you into the fact that you should calm down before responding.

1. Look for physical cues – what happens to your body when you are getting ready to blow? Some common physical cues are feeling hot, heart beating faster, clenching fists or jaw or feeling tense all over. It is helpful to be able to recognize your physical cues as they are often the earliest warning sign that you are going to lose your cool.

2. Notice if you are raising your voice, slamming things down, slamming doors, etc. These are more obvious signs that you are in a fairly high emotional state.

3. Notice if you are making threats or saying things that are hurtful or things you would not normally say. This is usually a sign that you are feeling desperate to get through to your teenager because you feel like they are not hearing or understanding your point of view.

Being able to recognize these signs early on can help you put the brakes on the situation so that you can take some time to calm down and respond in a thoughtful and productive manner. Generally when we respond out of anger or other strong emotions, we are less effective and less productive in accomplishing whatever we are trying to accomplish.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Is Your Teen Old Enough To Be Left Home Along?

Although scary, many parents are able to leave their teenagers home alone without a lot of worry while others cringe at the thought. Below are some things to think about when making the decision whether to leave your teenager home alone:


1. Are they typically responsible and do they typically follow your rules?

2. Do they demonstrate self control most of the time?

3. Is your neighborhood safe?

4. Is your teenager comfortable being home alone and understand the dangers of letting others in or opening the door for others?

5. Is your teenager responsible enough to not leave the stove on, etc?

6. Does your teenager respect your private place in the home so that they are not likely to go through your personal things in your bedroom or home office?

7. Are you confident your teenager will call you if needing something or if there is a problem?

8. What does your gut tell you about leaving your teenager home alone – are they really ready?


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Praise Your Teen

As difficult as this can be at times, praising your teenager can make a significant difference in your relationship with them.  What parents often struggle with is finding something to praise when there are so many behaviors they would like to see changed.  While this is true and working on the negative behaviors needs to happen ongoing, it is also important that you notice the things they are doing right and the things you appreciate about them.  "Catch Them Being Good!".  Take a few moments and think about something that your teen has done recently that you appreciate or something about them as a person that you appreciate and then think about how you can share this with them. 

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens And Stress

Does your teenager seem to be stressed out all the time? There is a lot of pressure on teens these days and they can feel the emotional and physical effects of stress just like adults do. If your teen is stressed out you may try the following things: help them make sure they have healthy eating and sleeping habits, help them limit caffeine and sugar, role model for them how to relax (do yoga, go play a sport with them, go for a walk, read, etc) and most importantly check in with them. Validate what they are feeling, help them label it and then support them in managing it.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Getting Support For Yourself

You should seek outside help for your teen if they have become violent or aggressive, are regularly using or abusing drugs or alcohol, if they are running away, if they are getting involved with the law, if you are feeling like you need to resort to violence as a means of managing their behavior or if you feel they are engaging in other risky or dangerous behaviors. The consequences of not addressing such behaviors can be significant and parents in this situation are in need of outside, professional support to help get things back on track for their teen and for their family as a whole.

For further information or to sign up for our free bi-weekly newsletter go to the Elite Life Coaching website.