What To Do If You Lose Your Cool

As a parent, there will be times when you lose your cool. Your teenager will frustrate you so much you will react out of emotion and say things you would not normally say, do things you would not normally do or yell and make threats you regret. Your strong emotions likely come for your love and concern for your teen and your worry about them when they are making poor decisions or they are not respecting you or your rules. Again, this happens to most parents, however, what is important is that you recognize it and really make an effort to not allow yourself to react in that way again. Some steps you can take if you have been in this situation:


1. Acknowledge it with your teenager – let them know that you are sorry for being emotional, tell them that you get upset like that because you love them, worry about them, etc. and tell them that you will work hard to make sure you do not respond out of emotions like that again (this is being a great role model for them).

2. Don’t let your guilt about the situation make you give in – you may feel really bad that you were hurtful, however, this does not likely change the situation which resulted in your outburst in the first place. So…you should apologize but not give in out of guilt since consistency is one of the most important tools you have.

3. Make a plan for next time – it is likely that your teen will push your buttons again so it is helpful to have a plan for what you will do the next time. Be able to recognize when you are getting to that point and take a break, leave the room, tell your teen you will talk to them in a little bit when you are feeling calmer, go outside and breath some fresh air, try some deep breathing, etc.


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Do You Lose Your Cool?

How to recognize if you are going to lose your cool because you are so upset with your teen


Let’s face it, your teenager can push your buttons like nobody else can which can result in you exploding. There are some signs you can watch for which likely come before the big explosion which will cue you into the fact that you should calm down before responding.

1. Look for physical cues – what happens to your body when you are getting ready to blow? Some common physical cues are feeling hot, heart beating faster, clenching fists or jaw or feeling tense all over. It is helpful to be able to recognize your physical cues as they are often the earliest warning sign that you are going to lose your cool.

2. Notice if you are raising your voice, slamming things down, slamming doors, etc. These are more obvious signs that you are in a fairly high emotional state.

3. Notice if you are making threats or saying things that are hurtful or things you would not normally say. This is usually a sign that you are feeling desperate to get through to your teenager because you feel like they are not hearing or understanding your point of view.

Being able to recognize these signs early on can help you put the brakes on the situation so that you can take some time to calm down and respond in a thoughtful and productive manner. Generally when we respond out of anger or other strong emotions, we are less effective and less productive in accomplishing whatever we are trying to accomplish.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!