Teenage Eating Disorders - What To Do As A Parent

If you believe your teen has or is developing an eating disorder you should seek professional psychological and medical treatment as soon as possible and be aware that the treatment process for a developed eating disorder can be a lengthy process. If you are concerned that your child has a poor body image but do not feel that they have any real eating disorder, the following suggestions may be helpful:


1. Don’t encourage your teen to eat, watch them eat, or initiate discussions about weight. This will just further draw attention to the issue and they may pick up on your nervousness about this issue.

2. Don’t speak negatively about food or weight and don’t point out how good someone looks just because they are thin.

3. Don’t feel guilty as a parent if your teenager is struggling with body image – it is not your fault and it is important that you do not focus on feelings of guilt but rather on ways you can offer support.

4. Don’t let your concerns cause you to neglect other things in your life such as outside interests or other family members who need your attention and support just as much as your teen who is struggling with their body image.

5. Don’t put them down or try to compare them to others – this will only further reduce their low self esteem.

6. Let them know that you are there to listen if THEY want to talk about it.

7. Put a lot of focus on other things they do well – not just on how they look so that they see their self worth as more than just physical appearance.

8. Encourage your teen to be active doing things they enjoy rather than focusing on specific weight loss activities that are rigid and feel like a chore instead of fun.

9. Encourage your teen to find something positive about themselves each day – it may be a challenge at first but will help them to focus on their competencies and positive things they can offer others.

10. Have fun and nutritious foods in the house so your teen does not feel guilty when they do want to snack.

11. If at all possible (and this is very, very difficult), try to limit your teen’s exposure to the media which portrays unrealistic body types.

12. Compliment actions – compliment what they do, not how they look.

13. Love your child – they will sense this and your acceptance is extremely important to them even if they don’t show it!


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Self Injury In Teens: Warning Signs

Teens who cut or burn themselves usually keep this behavior very secretive and cut in places that are covered by clothes because they are ashamed of their behavior and know that it is not socially acceptable. It may be difficult for parents to pick up on warning signs because often times these teens appear to be doing well and are not displaying any apparent signs of distress. It is important to note that any of the signs below alone is not necessarily cause for alarm, however, noticing several of these signs in your teen may be cause for concern:


1. Wearing long sleeve shirts or pants even when it is very warm out

2. Acting vague and evasive or angry when asked about cuts, burns or scabs

3. Refusing to wear a bathing suit in the summer (not related to being embarrassed by their weight) when typically they have enjoyed swimming

4. Keeping of razors or lighters in their room

5. Appearing more secretive than they usually do – spending a lot of time alone in their room

6. Disposing of bloody tissues in their room or bathroom

7. Associating with a peer who is known to self injure

8. Being suspected by anyone of self injuring (friends, teachers, family, etc)

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teenage Dating: Questions To consider

One concern I have heard voiced by parents of teens who are beginning to date is how much freedom they should give their teenager and should they allow their teenager and their boyfriend / girlfriend to ever be alone. Both questions are tricky and somewhat specific to each family’s situation. Some things to keep in mind when making this decision in your situation are:

• Is my teenager generally responsible?
• Does my teenager generally make healthy decisions?
• Do I know at least a little about my teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend?
• Do I think my teenager will let me know if something is wrong?
• Does my teenager generally have good boundaries and decent self esteem?
• What parameters can I put in place to allow my teen a little freedom which can gradually increase as we feel this situation out further?

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Conflict Among Parents

Despite how difficult such situations are, it is critical that parents do not let their children witness their conflicts. I cannot tell you the number of children who I have seen for therapy who are emotionally damaged and extremely confused because their parents constantly argue and say negative, rude and disrespectful things about one another. I am not suggesting that it is easy to keep all of these emotions to oneself, however, these emotions should be shared with other adults or professionals and not with one’s children.


Some tips for parenting if you are a parent in this situation:

1. Speaking with the other parent: if you know that you become easily emotionally charged when speaking with your child’s other parent then it is important that you have these conversations when not in the presence of your child. It is never in a teenagers best interest to witness situations where parents become negative, yell, say negative things or become verbally abusive towards one another. The damage from this can last years and can even impact your child’s ability to form healthy, trusting relationships as an adult.

2. Feeling like the other parent is undermining what you are trying to do: often times in these situations a dynamic gets set up where there is a “good parent” and a “bad parent”. Generally the “good parent” lets their teenager do what they want and does not have a lot of rules or consequences while the “bad parent” attempts to maintain rules and structure for their teenager. In these situations, it is really important that both parents figure out a way to come to SOME agreement about rules and expectations. Sometimes this can be done through a third party (therapist, friend, etc) which can eliminate conflict – what is important though is that it is done. When going through this process, pick the things that really matter and allow yourself to let some other things go. For example: it would be important for parents to agree that their teen must be getting passing grades and send this message consistently to their teenager while it may be okay for parents to not agree on how neat their teenager needs to keep their room in each of their homes if they are living separately.
3. Feeling like your teenager should know what the other parent is doing or did: parents often feel like it is important for their teenager to know that the other parent only visits with them because they are mandated to do so or that they are not paying what they are supposed to be paying each month. In some situations, parents feel like they need to tell their teenager all the awful things that the other parent did to them. In these situations, who is really benefiting from your telling your teenager these things? Usually, it is the parent who is benefiting because they are reacting to strong, negative emotions they are feeling. What I have found over the years is that in the end, teenagers and young adults know what is going on and ultimately know which parent is consistent and which one is not. In addition, I have found that teenagers become very resentful of parents who bad mouth one another (even if what is being said is true) because it causes them a lot of confusion and feelings of betrayal by both parents. Teenagers will figure this out over time and will be much better off if they see that their two parents are able to be civil and respectful of one another while in their presence.

Of course if you ever truly believe someone is doing something that harmful, illegal or significantly damaging to your child you should take immediate steps to make sure your child is safe.

Single Parents Of Teenagers

While being the single parent of a teenager can be very challenging, there are some fairly simple steps you can take to help reduce the overall stress.


1. Make sure you take time for yourself.
It is very easy to get caught up in all the demands of work, family, appointments, etc. but it is critical that you take time EACH week for yourself. Whether taking walks, a warm bath, having a favorite hobby or going out for dinner with a friend, you need some time for yourself where you are not responsible for the needs of others.

2. Schedule a time to discuss bigger issues / decisions with your teenager.
This can help the “on the fly” demands that your teenager may place on you. I have worked with parents who have found it helpful to schedule one or two times per week where they are available to just focus on talking with their teens. This could be over dinner, while going for a walk or while driving to a schedule appointment. I have also had parents tell me they have their teenager email or text message them if they need to talk so that they can set up a time later in the day that is convenient for both (this is a sign of the times!). This allows for the conversation to take place when they can be fully focused on their teenager’s needs.

3. Allow other adults into your teenager’s life.
All parents, but particularly single parents, should welcome appropriate adults into their teenager’s lives. This should not been seen as a weakness or as a sign that a parent cannot do “their job” effectively. Teens benefit from different perspectives and from learning from different adults. Allowing other adults (a coach, neighbor, Aunt, Uncle, older cousin, etc) to play a role in your teenagers life not only takes some of the burden off you but also allows them to have a richer experience in general. You will always still be the parent and make the final decisions!

4. Have your own support network.
Nobody can do everything on their own. As a single parent, it is important that you have your own support network. As a parent, you don’t want to burden your children with your fears or worries but you do need some outlet for yourself. Using extended family, friends or other single parents for support and advice is invaluable and can really help reduce your overall stress. Being socially connected to others has many positive benefits for all adults and can be especially helpful during the unpredictable teenager years.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Parenting Your Teen: The Consultant Parent

The Consultant Parent


A normal part of adolescent development is the shift from thinking in a very concrete manner to being able to think abstractly. Because there is significant development going on in the adolescent brain, it is a critical time to help shape behavior patterns and overall brain wiring. This change in thinking is one of the reasons why parents begin to notice that their teenagers start to question or resist things that were never questioned by them before.

Consultant Parents ask questions and offer choices to their teenagers whenever possible. The goal is to have teens engage in the decision making process when possible and in a safe manner so that they can learn and build upon decision making skills. Parents who are in a consultant role use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. For example, “I am wondering what you would think would be a reasonable curfew on a school night when there is an exam tomorrow” instead of “You will stay in and study since you are not getting good enough grades”. In addition to using “I” statements, consultants ask a lot of questions (not accusatory questions but rather curious questions) which foster thinking more than lectures will ever do.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Parenting Your Teen: Are You Too Relaxed?

The Laissez-Faire Parent


This is not technically a parenting style, however, it is something I have seen often enough that it was worth mentioning. “Laissez-Faire Parents” are hands off with their teenagers and generally allow their teens to do whatever they wish to do. These are parents who may act like they are best friends with their teenager. This type of parenting can evolve from a parent’s need to feel well liked and loved by their teenager, out of guilt because they are always working or busy with other things, out of frustration and “giving up” or out of necessity due to emotional or substance abuse problems on the part of the parent. Teens are not able to make all their own decisions and not having guidance from parents ongoing can lead to the development of very poor decision making skills and potentially serious or dangerous consequences for these decisions.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Parenting Your Teen: Are You A Drill Sergeant Parent?

Drill Sergeant Parents


If you think about the role of a drill sergeant, it is to give orders and tell others what to do and to punish those who do not follow exact orders. This is what “Drill Sergeant Parents” do with their teenagers. Drill Sergeant Parents believe that the more they discipline and control their teenagers, the better their children will turn out.

Teenagers of Drill Sergeant Parents never learn how to make their own decisions because their decisions are made for them in a demanding and sometimes very controlling manner. Punishment is often used for failure to follow expectations which, in teens, does not typically promote thoughtful reflection – it promotes resentment. Teenagers of Drill Sergeant Parents are not taught how to express themselves appropriately (because they are not given a chance) and never really learn about decision making or consequences for poor decisions because their parents control those aspects or their lives.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Parenting Your Teen: Are You A Helicopter Parent

Helicopter Parents


If you think about the role of a helicopter it is to hover, watch, protect and rescue. This is what “Helicopter Parents” do with their teenagers. On the surface Helicopter Parents appear to be very involved and supportive of their teenagers, however, what ends up happening is that they do so much for their teenager that their teenagers don’t get to experience real life, worry, pain or consequences because their parents are jumping in and protecting them when difficult situations arise.

Helicopter Parents are very afraid of their children failing so they rescue them out of worry, guilt or because they want to be needed by their children. These parents are genuinely concerned and love their children, however, they prevent their children from becoming responsible because they are always there as a safety net. Parents who continue to drive their teenagers to school when they repeatedly wake up late and miss the bus or who continue to give their teenagers extra money when they overspend their allowance or money from a part time job are considered Helicopter Parents.

The teens of these parents never learn what it is like to have to make up for their mistakes or experience discomfort because they made poor decisions. The bigger problem arises when the “helicopter” is no longer in their lives and all of the sudden they are adults who have no concept of what it means to be truly responsible for themselves.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Is Your Teen Embarrassed By You?

Many parents feel hurt because their teens, who used to idolize them and want to be around them, now do everything they can to avoid being sen by their parents.  As many know, this is a normal teenage behavior and is developmental - meaning that most teenagers grow out of this upon reaching adulthood if not before. 

The following are a few helpful tips for parents who are feeling like their teenager is embarrassed of them:


1. Don’t take it personally. It is a phase that teens go through and the majority of children begin seeking the companionship of their parents again in their early to mid 20’s. Many adult children consider their parents their best friends.

2. Don’t try to explain yourself or prove yourself as “cool”. It is not worth it and remember – it is likely not about anything specific you are doing. Not trying to justify yourself will save you from further frustration.

3. Check to make sure you are not actually doing anything embarrassing to your teenager – especially in front of friends. If you find that you are (telling stories about them, babying them in front of friends, etc) you may want to think about changing what you are doing. Even though it is likely harmless, remember that teenagers are extremely sensitive and insecure and can be devastated by such situations.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

5 FINAL Tips for Reducing Arguing With Your Teenager

1.  Remain sitting if at all possible when your teen is arguing with you – this will help them feel less threatened and view you as being calmer which may work to help them calm down as well.


2.  Try not to take things personally. Often teens will say hurtful and mean things to parents which is not acceptable or okay in my opinion. Despite this, it is important that parents do not respond out of emotion. It is more helpful for parents to let their teen know how their words impacted them and that it is not acceptable during a non-emotional time rather than to try to tackle this issue when your teen is already upset and not listening to you. Using tip 10 can be effective at this point in an argument.

3.  Validate your teenager even if you don’t agree with everything they are saying. Having your teen feel heard is often more important than having them feel like you agree with what they are saying.

4.   Do your best to communicate with your teenager during non-confrontational times. Having regular communication (perhaps at family dinners) will help them communicate effectively with you ongoing so that you are not only communicating during emotional times.
5.  Pick your battles. Your teenager will test you with what they wear, their music and subjects they bring up just to name a few. Be thoughtful about the battles you want to fight and know that much of the time they are just testing the waters and trying to figure out who they are which will pass in a short period of time.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

5 More Tips To Reduce Arguing With Your Teen

Below are 5 additional tips to reduce arguing with your teenger:

1.  Offer choices whenever possible and allow compromises when possible.

2.   Accept that your teenager is not going to talk to you about everything. Pushing them to talk about topics which are uncomfortable or upsetting will often result in their lashing out at you. Obviously if you are concerned about their safety you will need to push them, however, if your interest in a certain topic is more out of curiosity, sometimes it is better to just leave the topic alone than to argue with them about it.
3.  Regardless of how loud your teen is yelling, keep your voice low. Your teen will have to lower their own voice to hear you and in addition, just speaking softly can lower the tension in the room.

4.  Try to use “I” statements rather than blaming statements. For example, you may say, “I get really worried about you when you don’t come home for your curfew” instead of “You keep messing up by coming in late for your curfew”. In both situations, you are letting them know it is unacceptable but it is harder for them to argue the “I” statement which is less blaming.

5.  If your teenager is getting really out of control, tell them that you are ending the conversation for 10 minutes until everyone calms down some and then you will be willing to revisit the conversation (this may mean you need to go into the bathroom or go for a drive to allow for this break and to physically move from the situation).



Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

5 Tips Reduce Arguing With Your Teenager

For many parents of teenagers, the frequent conflict and arguing can be overwhelming.  Below are some tips that can significantly reduce overall arguing with your teenager.

Tips For Parents To Minimize Arguing:

1. Allow everyone to have a fair opportunity to say what they would like to say. Don’t just keep talking and repeating the same thing over and over without giving your teenager an opportunity to express their thoughts or how they feel.

2. Do your best not to interrupt when your teen is speaking their mind – this will increase the chances that they will listen while you speak.

3. Let your teenager know that you cannot speak to them when they are yelling and respond effectively when they stop yelling. Praise them during times when they are able to express themselves effectively.

4. Do your best to stick to the point and not bring up the past, other situations or bring others into the conversation unless it directly relates to them.
5. During arguments, never “put down” or make fun of your teenager.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Eating Disorders: Signs and Symptoms In Teens

As a parent it is helpful to know some of the actual Signs and Symptoms of and Eating Disorder which include (this list is not meant to be inclusive):


1. Abnormal weight loss of 25% or more without any medical explanation

2. A noticeable reduction in food intake and /or a denial of hunger

3. Prolonged exercise despite exhaustion, fatigue or weakness

4. Intense fears about gaining weight

5. Purging after meals

6. Binging sometimes and then restricting food significantly at other times

7. Unusual patterns of handling food or eating food


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teenage Tips For Safety On The Internet And With Social Media

As we all know, technology is a wonderful thing but can also be dangerous when users are not informed.  As a parent, it is critical that you offer your teenager education on the dangers associated with using technology.  Below are some tips for parents of teenagers:
1. Educate your teen about the permanency of their messages and photos. Make sure your teenagers know that their messages never go away (even when deleted) and that they can come back and haunt them in the near or distant future so that they are more likely to think about what they are sending before actually sending it. Make sure that they are aware that messages can be forwarded to many, many people and remind them not to say anything that could come back to haunt them.  Photos can also be cut and pasted from your teen's site and used on other site that individuals create.

2. Remind your teen to not open links or attachments unless they know who they are from. Often times these contain pornographic photos or content or could generate junk emails or inappropriate emails to their account.
3. Randomly check who your teen is communicating with. In most instances, parents have purchased or are paying for their teenager’s computers or phones so they absolutely have a right to be checking them. At least 1/3 of teens report that their parent would not approve of all that they are doing online. If they are using their computer or phone inappropriately then, as the parent, you should take it away until they can adhere to your expectations.

4. Put your computer in a public place if possible. Doing this will automatically increase your ability to supervise your teenagers email and IM activity.

5. Set clear expectations and follow through. Be very clear with your teenager about what they can and cannot do with their computer and/or phone and about what your oversight will be. They may tell you that you don’t understand and that nobody else has restrictions on their computer use, however, you have every right to set up clear rules and guidelines for your teenager. Some parents restrict use until homework is done, take away certain features if grades fall (i.e. no text messaging on their phone) or set expectations that their teenager not erase any history on their phone or computer so that it can be checked regularly.

6. Educate your teenager about not sharing personal information with people they do not know. Make sure your teen knows never to share their address or detailed information about themselves with people they do not know. In addition, make sure they do not share any information related to your finances, banking information, etc. which could result in identify theft.
7. Let them know you are there. Let your teenager know that they can come to you if they are worried or have questions about anything. Many times teens won’t seek support and will get themselves into more trouble because they are afraid to let someone know what is happening. Reminding them that you are there to help and support them may make a difference should a time arise when they are scared or worried and really need your support.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Communication: Using "Active Listening" With Your Teenager

Using Active Listening with them will increase the chances they will use it with you! By actively listening you are letting your teenager know that you are interested in what they have to say and that they are important. In order to do this, you should stop doing anything else that you are doing and focus on your teenager. You should really listen to what they are saying and not be thinking about your response to them or thinking about what is for dinner. They will know the difference and will know when you have truly turned into what they are saying. By modeling this skill for them they will feel important and may also learn how to use active listening themselves.



Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Improve Communication With "Door Openers"

“Door Openers" versus“Door Slammers”:  Door Openers are phrases and words which are open ended and allow your teenager to share their thoughts and feelings on a subject.  For example:  “Do you want to talk about it?”, “What do you think about this?”, “I think you may be able to help us out with this, what are your ideas?”  These phrases let your teen know you value what they think and does not send them the message that you are trying to control them.  Door Slammers are phrases and words that shut down conversations and make teenagers feel powerless or unimportant.  For example:  “That is none of your business”, “I don’t care what your friends are able to do”, “Don’t come crying to me when you mess this up”, “We are not going to talk about this again”.  These phrases and words generally come out during times of frustration (and are very normal so don’t feel bad if you have used them) but generally create more tension and frustration for teens who are already feeling confused and powerless in their lives. 
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Things That May Push Your Teenager Away

While there is no right or wrong way to parent, there are some things that parents do that tend to push their teens away.  These include:


1. Yelling and Screaming. This is often a natural reaction to situations your teenager may create, however, is generally not helpful and can quickly cause them to view you as the “bad guy” and resent you.

2. Saying you were right and they were wrong. Teens typically respond very poorly to this type of comment or lecture.  As a parent, there will be many situations where you tell your teen what to do and they will chose not to listen to you which resulted in a negative outcome.  This is normal and it is important that you try to trust that they will learn from thier mistakes more than they will from having you remind them that they were wrong.

3. Giving extreme consequences. Teenagers will become resentful if the consequences you give them are extreme in an effort to make a point. For example, if Susie returns 30 minutes late with the car an extreme consequence may be that she cannot drive the car for 6 months. The point will get lost in the outrageousness of the consequence. When giving consequences to teenagers, the consequences should be meaningful and time limited.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Nobody Wants To Hear "I Told You So"

Nobody ever wants to hear this phrase and teenagers are no exception.  As a parent, you will likely have many “I told you so” moments.  You will offer advice to your teenager, they will refuse your advice and then down the road the exact thing you predicted would happen...happens.  It will be extremely tempting to use these situations as an opportunity to tell your teenager that they should listen to you more because you were right.  While all of that is true, it is better to allow your teenager an opportunity to “save face” and not feel ashamed by the situation.  They will know that your advice would have been worth taking but will likely never tell you this.  Getting into a power struggle about who was right and who was wrong will likely only create resentment in your teenager.  As a parent, you can continue to offer your suggestions and hope that over time your teenager will see that you do have something worthwhile to offer them!

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Don't Act Out Of Strong Emotion

This can be extremely difficult when your teenager pushes your buttons or makes a decision which is harmful or highly inappropriate. As a parent who cares deeply about their child, of course you are going to be emotional (angry, scared, disappointed, frustrated) when these things happen which is normal and not a problem at all. What does sometimes become a problem is when parents act out of these strong emotions. In these situations parents often times say things that they later regret, however, even with an apology, their teen who already has insecure and fragile self esteem will hang onto the emotional response which can damage the parent – teen relationship. It is better to take time to calm down, gather your thoughts (even write them down so that you remain on track when speaking with your teenager) and then speak with your teenager about the situation.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teenage Sexual Exploitation (Prostitution)

Although exact numbers are not clear, it is estimated that there are more than 300,000 teenagers in the United States who are being exploited through prostitution. Many believe these numbers are much higher. The average age at which a girl enters prostitution is 14 years old – this age appears to be dropping and there have been reports of girls as young as age 6 being exploited through prostitution. There is not one single factor which makes a teenage girl vulnerable to be recruited into the life of prostitution, however, there are certain factors which are believed to increase one’s risk. These include: coming from a broken home, a history of abuse, having a mother who is promiscuous, poor relationship with parents, truancy and a history of running away which is the biggest factor which can lead to one becoming sexually exploited. Two thirds of girls who run away are exploited by prostitution and girls who run away are likely to be approached by a pimp within forty eight hours of being on the run.

The best way to help young girls at risk is through education and prevention.  Parents should talk to their girls about what to do if someone approaches them and tries to befriend them through gifts and excessive compliments.  Parents should also notice if their daughter seems to be bringing home a lot of new clothes, gifts or jewelry.  Don’t ignore this – be persistent in finding out where the items are coming from.  Finally, if you have a daughter who is running away, she is at the most risk.  It is important to talk to her if you are able and if not, to find someone who can. 

In short, low self esteem combined with a lack of guidance and support from adults makes girls vulnerable to being recruited into the life of prostitution.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teenage Boys - Why Do They Pull Away

Do you lack communication with your male teenager?  Do you feel like they live in their room and you hardly see them let alone know anything that is going on in their life?  Are they constantly out with friends yet you have no idea who these friend are, who their families are or what they do when they spend time together?  Do they decline your offers to spend time doing family things?  If any or all of these scenarios apply to your son, you have a pretty typical teenage boy. 

• The first and strongest reason for boys behaving in this way is that they are working towards achieving independence and in order to do this, they need to separate from you, who they have depended on for so many years of their life.  They do not know how to do this thoughtfully or gracefully (or may not even really realize they are doing it) so they just isolate from you as a way of not feeling so dependent on you.
• Secondly, it is normal for boys to be embarrassed about changes going on as their bodies mature. Boys also experience an increase in sexualized feelings which can be overwhelming and not something they want to discuss with their parents.
• Finally, it is very normal during adolescence for friends to become more important than parents or other family members. This is not a negative reflection on the family but rather a shift from seeing the family as the center of the world to really wanting to discover the larger world that is out there as a way of establishing independence.   

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Emotional Dysregulation In Teenage Girls

Emotional dysregulation takes place when the response of an individual does not appear to be “appropriate” for a particular situation.  This often looks like an “over reaction” to a situation or a prolonged emotional response to a situation.  Emotional dysregulation is not uncommon for adolescent girls and generally plays out in the safety of the home which results in you, as the parent, more often than not being on the receiving end of it. 

Some techniques to try when your teenage daughter appears very emotional:


1. Validation: let your daughter know that you understand she is upset (even if you don’t understand why) and that you know it must be difficult for her to be that upset.
2. Remain calm: this can be very difficult – Speaking in an even, calm voice often results in the other person lowering their voice and calming down.

3. Take space: if you feel yourself ready to blow, there is no reason why you cannot take space for yourself.
4. Don’t feel you have to defend yourself: your teenage daughter may accuse you of things that are not true, say things that are hurtful or exaggerate situations. As the parent, you do not need to help them rationalize these things during an emotional moment.  If you feel it is important to explain yourself (and often times it is not) then it is better to wait and do this during a time when emotions are under control.

5. Teach your daughter calming techniques during non emotional times: it is often helpful for parents to talk to their daughters about ways of remaining calmer during times when things are going well.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and support, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Take Time For Family

Some families find themselves so busy during the school year that week after week goes by and they can't even remember really spending any quality time together.  Some of my clients have found it helpful to schedule in a night out of the week as "family night".  This could be a Friday night or if possible, even a weekday night.  On this night, families identify something they will do together as a family that is somewhat different than their typical routine.  Maybe a  "make your own pizza night" or some other special cooking night where all family members pitch in and cook as a team.  Maybe a game night or a night where there is a TV show on that everyone enjoys.  An hour or two weekly doing something special as a family can help keep everyone connected and can also help create a special tradition that your teens will always remember. 

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Encourage Your Teen's Learning

Although you likely have multiple things on your "To Do" list at any given time, taking a few minutes on a regular basis to express interest in your teen's school work can go a long way.  Although they may not want to talk to you much about it, by asking what they are learing about and praising their studying, you are reinforcing their study skills.  Even though they rarely say it, teens want approval from their parents and by your showing interest in and praising thier school work, you are reinforcing their committment to continue to apply themselves ongoing. 

Go to Elite Life Coaching at http://www.elite-life-coaching.com/  for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Don't Act Out Of Strong Emotion

This can be extremely difficult when your teenager pushes your buttons or makes a decision which is harmful or highly inappropriate. As a parent who cares deeply about their child, of course you are going to be emotional (angry, scared, disappointed, frustrated) when these things happen which is normal and not a problem at all. What does sometimes become a problem is when parents act out of these strong emotions. In these situations parents often times say things that they later regret, however, even with an apology, their teen who already has insecure and fragile self esteem will hang onto the emotional response which can damage the parent – teen relationship. It is better to take time to calm down, gather your thoughts (even write them down so that you remain on track when speaking with your teenager) and then speak with your teenager about the situation.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Drugs and Alcohol and Teens

Many parents of teenagers worry about whether they are experimenting with or abusing drugs and/or alcohol and I often get questions from parents about what signs and symptoms to look for. I have included a list below which includes many warning signs of potential substance abuse by teenagers. Please remember, if you sees these symptoms in your teen it does not automatically mean they are abusing substances, however, it is indication that something could be wrong and you should seek further evaluation either with your child’s doctor or a licensed therapist:


• Loss of interest in activities

• Withdrawl from family members / friends

• Change in group of friends

• Mood swings

• Anger outbursts or irritability

• Forgetfulness

• Truancy and/or grades dropping

• Breaking rules / increased defiance or disrespect

• Changes in sleep or appetite

• Paranoia

• Increase in amount of sickness or cold-like symptoms

• Red / glossy eyes

• Changes in physical appearance (not as “neat looking”, poor hygiene)

• Sneaky behaviors




Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Parenting Teens Is Not Easy

Remember…you are doing this without a guidebook, rulebook or instructional manual and there will be some trial and error. This is normal so don’t be too hard on yourself! What is important is that if something does not seem to be working that you acknowledge it and work to make improvements whether on your own or with the support of others.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Messy Room? How To Get Your Teen To Clean It!

Many parents become extremely frustrated because their teenager’s room is always a mess. I have heard of parents who take the time to go in and clean their room for them from floor to ceiling only to see it become a mess again in a few days. Teens and messy rooms is a source of conflict for many, many parents since often times teenagers don’t care if their rooms are messy. Sometimes, increasing a teens’ motivation to keep their room clean (or at least semi-clean) makes a big difference. To do this, it is important to think about what motivates them – is it having their computer in their room, being able to have friends over, having you give them rides places, being able to use the car? Next, think about how you can use this to increase their motivation – perhaps they cannot keep their computer in their room unless they show they are able to take care of the other things in their room. Perhaps they are not allowed to have friends over unless they are able to keep their room looking presentable. Or maybe, you tell them that you are not able to give them rides if they cannot maintain their room on their own. Take some time to think about this and figure out what may work with your teenager and then let them know the approach you will be taking so that they first have an opportunity to clean their room before losing one of their privileges.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

What If I Don't "Like" My Teen?

Do you ever feel like you don’t “like” your teenager? If so, you likely also feel very guilty for even thinking like this. If you have had or are having this thought, you are not alone. When parents feel that they do not “like” their teens it is because they are overwhelmed, frustrated and feel disrespected. Generally parents in this situation love their teens very much which is what causes the strong emotions to arise. As a parent, you want what is best for your teenager and when you see them living in opposition to your values and rules, it can cause you to really not want to be around them or to have a lot of anger towards them. If you are feeling like this, try sitting down and making a list of the things you like about them and the things they are doing that you don’t like. This will help put things in perspective and will remind you that what you don’t like is their behaviors rather than their whole being. Reframing your feelings and understanding that you don’t like their behaviors (rather than not liking them as a person) can help with your overall frustration level and can eliminate the guilt you may be feeling if having negative emotions towards your teen.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you notice that it seems like you are fighting with your teen constantly, it may be because you are so frustrated with your teen that you are critical or disapproving of almost everything they do. In a calm moment, think about what things you argue about that you can let go for now in an effort to decrease the overall tension and conflict in your house. For example, you likely want to stand firm with your rules about curfew but maybe can let go of arguing about whether they make their bed every day. Try thinking about this for a bit and see what you can come up with.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens and Summer

Summer vacation can be stressful – especially in the hot weather when everyone becomes a little more “cranky”. Parents often struggle with what to do with their teenagers because they don’t want them sitting around the house all summer watching TV or playing video games but also don’t want them out without any structure. Try to help them create a balance and help build in some structure for them. Try to schedule times when they should be out being active – either at a gym (many have summer memberships), as part of a sporting league, with neighborhood friends, or even with you going for a walk or riding bikes. Encourage that they do some sort of physical activity regularly. Physical activity is the best medicine for improving negative moods and for staying fit mentally and physically. Also – try to periodically plan special things you can do as a family – go to a beach, a pool, a park, to visit with relatives, etc. Try to plan some family field trips to offer them some variety in their schedules as well as to allow for positive time together. Finally, know that it is normal for teens to want to sleep, to get lost in TV or video games or to just want to “hang out” sometime and that this is fine – you should just keep an eye on their overall balance to make sure that they are getting enough social interaction and physical activity.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Do You Have A Short Fuse

It’s easy to lose your patience quickly when there have been several troubling behaviors, when there has been a lot of arguing or questioning of your authority or when you are just plain exhausted. If you are noticing that you have a “short fuse”, try to explore what may be at the root of it and address it if you can. In the meantime, allow yourself time to relax and set limits on others so that you are not feeling as overwhelmed. Some suggestions for doing this include: saying “no” to someone who asks you for a favor, going for a short walk by yourself, asking others for help or giving yourself time out alone or with adult friends.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Give Praise For Positive Behavior

No matter what is going on in your lives, it is important that you give your teenager praise for the things they do right. “Catch them being good” and let them know you recognize it. Many teens feel that everything they do is wrong (and often times it feels like this is the case), however, as the parent you want to make sure that they do not begin to see themselves as “all bad” or as a “bad kid”. By noting the positive and reinforcing that your teenager’s positive actions are an important part of them you will both improve their self esteem and promote more positive behaviors. We generally get more of whatever we are focusing on so…if you want more good…put some focus on the good.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Talk...Don't Yell

This is often easier said than done as the parent of a teenager due to your level of frustration at times. Generally if someone is yelling, the other person tunes them out which is no different with your teenager. If you are screaming at them, they will likely scream back or shut down – both responses indicate that they are not hearing what you are saying and even if they hear your words, they are certainly not internalizing them. If you find yourself getting to the point where you are yelling or screaming, it is okay to say to your teenager, “I really don’t want to be yelling at you so I am going to take a little time to cool down and then I hope that we can discuss this respectfully”. This is teaching your teen positive communication skills instead of aggressive ones, showing them that you respect them and will likely make for a much more positive discussion.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Just Talk With Your Teen

Many parents feel that they have lost touch with their teenager and that there is no communication between themselves and their teenager – and they are likely right. Many parents find that the only time they are talking to their teenager is to address difficult issues, to issue them consequences or to tell them the things they are doing wrong. It is good to talk about light subjects that are non-threatening and fun to discuss so that when the time comes to discuss the difficult issues, your teenager is more tolerant and comfortable. Talk about a TV show, the weather, music, what other relatives are doing, how your day was a work…really anything…what is important is that you are working to communicate with your teenager on an ongoing basis.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Be The Parent....Even When It Is Really Difficult

Your job as a parent is very challenging and there are times when you have to make difficult and unpopular decisions, however, this is part of your role. It can be easy for parents to fall into the role of “friend” with their teenager because it feels better than always being the “bad guy”. While it is important for parents to support, listen to and encourage their teens, it is also important to be consistent, enforce the rules (even when unpopular) and withstand the heat from your teen who may rebel and tell you that you are doing it all wrong. Your teen cannot always see the longer term consequences of their decisions since they are typically about living in the moment. As their parent, it is your role to step in and make decisions that are in the best interest of their safety and well being.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Listening and Talking To Your Teen

Teenagers today have more opportunities to make bad decisions than they did in years past – the world is a scarier place and it is easier for teens to access thing as well as for others to gain access to them. This is all the more reason that you must be a positive, consistent person in your teenager’s daily life. Listen to them without immediate judgment, lecturing or advising. If you are too quick to offer your advice or judge them, they are more likely to shut down because they will not feel heard which can be very important for teens. Even though they may never tell you, teens find comfort in knowing their parents are consistently there and accepting of them. Feeling this will decrease the chances that they will go elsewhere to seek this acceptance which often times can lead to significant problems.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Allow Your Teen To Make Some Mistakes

It can be tempting to want to fix your teenagers mistakes and rescue them from any pain they may be experiencing, however, this is not always the most helpful route. We all make poor decisions at times and part of growing up and becoming a responsible adult is learning how to take responsibility for our mistakes. This is a valuable skill for your teen to learn while they are still younger and the stakes are generally not as high as they are for adults. If your teenager is experiencing the natural consequences of a poor decision they made, it is often helpful to allow them to experience those consequences and difficult feelings and to learn from their mistakes. Even if your instinct is to jump in and bail them out of a situation or to try to make the situation better for them, take a moment to think about whether they could learn a valuable lesson by your allowing them to manage the situation on their own. In addition, if you bail them out too many times they will always expect you to be there to rescue them, even when they are an adult, and that is not a situation you want to get into!

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens And Swearing

Some parents become very frustrated that their teenager is swearing and does not respond to their request to stop. Teens often minimize the impact swearing can have on others and rationalize this behavior by saying everyone does it, pointing out when you swear, saying it is not hurting anyone, etc. However, as we all know, swearing can put others off, create significant problems with school or work and is generally not socially acceptable so you are wise to work with your teen to eliminate this behavior. Some suggestions for extinguishing this behavior are:


1. Speaking with them calmly and respectfully about why this behavior is not acceptable in your home and let them know that you have the same “no swearing” expectation for everyone in the house. (of course, if you or another adult in the home swears regularly you will likely have a hard time with this and will likely not be able to get your teenager to stop swearing)

2. Create consequences for swearing that are fair, consistent and reasonable. Be clear with your teenager about what your expectations are and what the consequences will be for not following your expectations. (for more information about setting appropriate and enforceable consequences go to www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with tips and action steps you can take)

3. Follow through! As always, this is the most critical step in effective parenting of teenagers.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Being Supportive To Your Teenager

There are many tips and ways of being supportive to your teen which will continue to be shared in this blog. Below are three that are very important and that can really make a difference in your overall relationship with your teen.


1. Validate them – let them know that you understand and that you can appreciate what they are experiencing.

2. Empathize – let them know that you understand the emotions they are feeling and know that they are real and often times very painful or difficult.

3. Show them unconditional love - even when they are trying your patience or when they have made a poor decision, let them know that you love them and always will.


For more details on how to develop these skills check out www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with practical tips about how to use these skills with your teenager.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

What To Do If You Lose Your Cool

As a parent, there will be times when you lose your cool. Your teenager will frustrate you so much you will react out of emotion and say things you would not normally say, do things you would not normally do or yell and make threats you regret. Your strong emotions likely come for your love and concern for your teen and your worry about them when they are making poor decisions or they are not respecting you or your rules. Again, this happens to most parents, however, what is important is that you recognize it and really make an effort to not allow yourself to react in that way again. Some steps you can take if you have been in this situation:


1. Acknowledge it with your teenager – let them know that you are sorry for being emotional, tell them that you get upset like that because you love them, worry about them, etc. and tell them that you will work hard to make sure you do not respond out of emotions like that again (this is being a great role model for them).

2. Don’t let your guilt about the situation make you give in – you may feel really bad that you were hurtful, however, this does not likely change the situation which resulted in your outburst in the first place. So…you should apologize but not give in out of guilt since consistency is one of the most important tools you have.

3. Make a plan for next time – it is likely that your teen will push your buttons again so it is helpful to have a plan for what you will do the next time. Be able to recognize when you are getting to that point and take a break, leave the room, tell your teen you will talk to them in a little bit when you are feeling calmer, go outside and breath some fresh air, try some deep breathing, etc.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Do You Lose Your Cool?

How to recognize if you are going to lose your cool because you are so upset with your teen


Let’s face it, your teenager can push your buttons like nobody else can which can result in you exploding. There are some signs you can watch for which likely come before the big explosion which will cue you into the fact that you should calm down before responding.

1. Look for physical cues – what happens to your body when you are getting ready to blow? Some common physical cues are feeling hot, heart beating faster, clenching fists or jaw or feeling tense all over. It is helpful to be able to recognize your physical cues as they are often the earliest warning sign that you are going to lose your cool.

2. Notice if you are raising your voice, slamming things down, slamming doors, etc. These are more obvious signs that you are in a fairly high emotional state.

3. Notice if you are making threats or saying things that are hurtful or things you would not normally say. This is usually a sign that you are feeling desperate to get through to your teenager because you feel like they are not hearing or understanding your point of view.

Being able to recognize these signs early on can help you put the brakes on the situation so that you can take some time to calm down and respond in a thoughtful and productive manner. Generally when we respond out of anger or other strong emotions, we are less effective and less productive in accomplishing whatever we are trying to accomplish.


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Your Teens Friends At Your House

As a parent, it is important that you get to know your child’s friends and that you show your child that their friends are welcome into your home (assuming you approve of these friends of course). However, you should not feel like you need to open up your house like it is a clubhouse where your teen’s friends hang out all the time. Often times parents are guilted by their teens into allowing their friends over all the time. As the parent, you should clearly set some parameters around this to make sure that your family has private (more peaceful!) time and that your teen’s friends do not just show up anytime they feel like it. Establish a process by which your teenager needs to ask for permission (preferably not when their friends are standing at your front door) ahead of time, set some limits around sleepovers, time you expect friends to leave, rides, etc. Having these guidelines and enforcing them consistently will reduce arguing and will allow you to manage when you have company instead of having your teenager manage this.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Ready For Summer?

Many parent don’t see summer “vacation” as a vacation at all! Parents often worry about the amount of unstructured time their children have during the summer break. Some suggestions to help ease your mind and to help structure your teens’ time during the summer break are:


1. Have them get a part time job – depending on what they are willing to do, some teens as young as 14 are able to find jobs babysitting, mowing lawns, as camp counselors, etc.

2. Give them household jobs they are responsible for – it helps if you offer them a little cash incentive but think of things around the house that you would like to get done but never have time for and make a list for your teen (washing the windows, weeding the garden, cleaning the oven, washing / detailing the cars, etc)

3. Have your teen find volunteer work. This is a great way to teach civic responsibility while also building in structure to your teen’s summer. Be creative and think about any volunteer opportunities that may tie into their strengths and interests.

4. Have them join a sports league, a dance team, a music group, etc.

5. Look for local camps. Often time there are ½ day camps so that they can attend camp in the morning and still have their afternoons free.

While it is important for teens to have some down time, it is also important that they do not sleep all day, sit around in front of the TV or computer all day and that they feel like they are doing something worthwhile during the summer months. The earlier you set your expectations, the less resistance you will get when the time comes!


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens and Money

Does your teenager think you have endless amounts of money?  Do they think that you are the worst parent in the world if you won't give them money for the latest gadget or things that "everyone else in the whole world has" so therefore they also "have to have"?  Teens need to learn delayed gratification and that there are limits to what they can have.  Saying no, helping them budget or make choices about what they get in addition to having them wait until a special event are all graet ways of teaching your teen the meaning of money and of patience.  The key is that if you say no to buying them something, you cannot then "give in" and go buy it because they have continued to badger you or have made you feel guilty about your decision.  Be consistent and stick to what you said!

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Getting Homework Done

Are you constantly battling with your teenager about doing homework? Do you feel like a broken record every night? If so, you are not alone. Getting teens to do their homework, worrying about their grades and trying to juggle everything else in your life can be overwhelming and frustrating to say the least. One thing to consider is that it is hard for them to be motivated to do homework after being in school all day doing work so try to be patient and validate their perspective. Some things that may help are:

1. Have a set homework time built into your routine each day - the more structure the better. But….allow your teen to pick the time they want to do their homework and give them a chance to follow through. (obviously if they do not, they you should intervene)

2. Praise them for the times they are doing their homework. Notice when they are doing things right and acknowledge that they are working hard.

3. Be consistent. If you tell them that they will lose their phone if they do not pass a test or hand in assignments then follow through with this each and every time. The thought of really losing their phone may very well motivate them to get their homework done.



Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Is Your Teen Old Enough To Be Left Home Along?

Although scary, many parents are able to leave their teenagers home alone without a lot of worry while others cringe at the thought. Below are some things to think about when making the decision whether to leave your teenager home alone:


1. Are they typically responsible and do they typically follow your rules?

2. Do they demonstrate self control most of the time?

3. Is your neighborhood safe?

4. Is your teenager comfortable being home alone and understand the dangers of letting others in or opening the door for others?

5. Is your teenager responsible enough to not leave the stove on, etc?

6. Does your teenager respect your private place in the home so that they are not likely to go through your personal things in your bedroom or home office?

7. Are you confident your teenager will call you if needing something or if there is a problem?

8. What does your gut tell you about leaving your teenager home alone – are they really ready?


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Responsible Versus Overprotective Parenting

Of course you want to see your child succeed and will work hard to make sure they have all the opportunities they deserve. However, it is important to make sure that in wanting the best for your child that you are not being overprotective. The danger in being overprotective is that your child may not learn how to be responsible for themselves, may not learn that there are natural consequences for their behavior and may not learn the lesson that hard work can pay off. Signs that you may be overprotective of your teenager are:


• You will do whatever it takes to see your child successful

• You make excuses for your teen and blame others for things that go wrong

• You “rescue” your teenager – you bail them out of difficult situations every time

• You are always going out of your way to make your teenager happy

• You minimize problems that your teenager is having or you try to rationalize their behaviors

• You try to always be liked by your teenager and give in to all their requests – even when you don’t agree

• You try to “appease” your teen and rescue them form difficult feelings – you never allow them to sit with uncomfortable feelings

If you notice that you are doing some or all of these things, you may want to consider allowing your teenager to fail sometimes or experiences the real consequences of their decisions so that they learn how to take responsibility for their actions as well as learn how to take action to change situations they do not like instead of always relying on you to do so.



Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Praise Your Teen

As difficult as this can be at times, praising your teenager can make a significant difference in your relationship with them.  What parents often struggle with is finding something to praise when there are so many behaviors they would like to see changed.  While this is true and working on the negative behaviors needs to happen ongoing, it is also important that you notice the things they are doing right and the things you appreciate about them.  "Catch Them Being Good!".  Take a few moments and think about something that your teen has done recently that you appreciate or something about them as a person that you appreciate and then think about how you can share this with them. 

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Be Consistent!

Does your teenager think you have endless amounts of money? Do they think that you are the worst parent in the world if you won’t give them money for the latest gadget or thing that “everyone else in the whole world has” so therefore they also “have to have”. Teens need to learn delayed gratification and that there are limits to what they can have. Saying no, helping them budget or make choices or helping them wait until a special event are all great ways of teaching your teen the meaning of money and of patience. The key is that if you say no to buying them something, you cannot then “give in” and go buy it because they are continuing to badger you or make you feel guilty about your decision. Be consistent and stick to what you said!



Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Don't Make Empty Threats

Don’t make meaningless threats with your teenagers. Every parent falls into this sometimes but it is important to try not to do this because it invalidates you and causes your teenager to not take what you are saying seriously. Don’t tell your teen you will ground them in their room for a month – the reality is that this is impossible and you will not be able to follow through. Make sure that when you are discussing consequences with your teenager that you are confident you CAN and WILL follow through with them.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens Driving

Thinking about your teenager driving is a scary thing. Teens can be impulsive and often times they think that they are invincible. It is important that if you are allowing your teen to take your car out (or any car for that matter) that you clearly review your expectations and give them the choice to behave responsibly or lose the privilege of driving. Things to reinforce are no speeding, seatbelts at all times, being home on time, no tickets and keeping you informed of their whereabouts when out in your car. It is reasonable to expect them to call you and check in until you feel that you can trust them and they are acting responsibly. Having your teenager out driving can be one of the most stressful experiences for parents so you are not alone if you are feeling this way.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Enjoy Your Teen

Enjoy your teenager. Make sure that despite any frustrations or stress they are causing you, that you take time to laugh, appreciate their strengths and tell them about it. Positive energy is contagious so be positive about their uniqueness and appreciate what they have to offer the world.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Parents Need To Agree

It is critical that your teenager never sees you openly disagree about rules or consequences with your spouse or co-parent. While there may be times when you have differing opinions about a particular situation, it is important that you have such discussion away from your teenager so that they experience consistency and know that you will support one another’s decisions. Not doing this will likely result in your teenager playing one of you against the other which can cause significant conflict and additional stress in your lives.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teaching Teens Responsibility

Give your teenagers responsibility. Make sure they have household responsibilities or chores which they are expected to do consistently and for which they are appreciated. Praise your teen for doing their chores consistently which will motivate them to do them ongoing and also improve their sense of belonging and purpose in the home. Teens want to feel important and need to learn what it means to have a commitment and follow through. Teaching this lesson within the home is a great way to begin to instill a sense of responsibility in your teenager.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Does My Teenager Have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)?

Have you ever wondered if your teenager has ADD? Signs of ADD can include:  being easily distracted by sounds or motions, forgetting appointments, losing track of time, forgetting where things are, forgetting tasks including homework or chores, short attention span, trouble remembering things learned, frequent daydreaming or trouble focusing or remembering things in general despite having a desire to do so. If you are concerned that your teenager has ADD, it is good to get a professional opinion as there are good treatment options, both with medication and with therapy which can teach your teen techniques to help them manage their symptoms without medication.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens And Lies

Are you concerned that your teen lies a lot? Or even if not telling blatant lies, that they tell half-truths, omit information, provide confusing information or pretend they don’t recall the facts? This can be very frustrating to say the least. If you feel your teenager is lying a lot, you should address it head on. Let them know that it upsets you and disappoints you because you want to have an open and trusting relationship with them. Be clear with them what the consequences for lying will be and make sure you follow through with these consequences consistently.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Rules And Consequences - Involve Your Teen

Have you ever tried to include your teenager in establishing fair rules and consequences? Sometimes this is really powerful and significantly reduces arguments when rules are broken. If doing this, it should be during a calm time when the whole family can sit together and be thoughtful. Most importantly, whether rules and consequences are created with or without your teenager, it is important that you are always consistent and that your teen is clear about what is OK and what is not OK before the rules are broken.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens And Stress

Does your teenager seem to be stressed out all the time? There is a lot of pressure on teens these days and they can feel the emotional and physical effects of stress just like adults do. If your teen is stressed out you may try the following things: help them make sure they have healthy eating and sleeping habits, help them limit caffeine and sugar, role model for them how to relax (do yoga, go play a sport with them, go for a walk, read, etc) and most importantly check in with them. Validate what they are feeling, help them label it and then support them in managing it.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

If your teenager seems to have chronic anger, hostility, defiance or aggression, they may have Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This is a set of behavior patterns that usually develops sometime between the ages of 7 and 13 and which can grow increasing concerning as teens get older. If you feel your teenager may fit this category, you should have them meet with a professional who can help you distinguish what is going on (whether it is normal adolescence or a more serious issue) and who can also provide treatment as needed. Treatment for these issues usually involves behavior modification therapy to help teens change their overall patterns of behavior. Not addressing this issue can result in your teen having significant difficulties at home, in school and with peers.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Parenting With Your Ex

Being able to co-parent a teenager following a divorce or separation can be very difficult, however, it is really important that you and your ex are able to work cooperatively in the eyes of your teen. Sometimes communicating via a neutral party or via email or text is easier for ex-partners than trying to have ongoing conversations. Remember to always do what is best for your child, not what is best for you. Your child wants to have a positive relationship with both their parents and it is important that both parents allow for and support this which may mean making compromises or not “winning” certain disagreements. Putting your child first will pay off in the long run and you will spare them the lasting and sometimes significant effects of being placed in the middle of a divorce.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teenage Depression

Be aware of some of the more common signs of teenage depression (just because your teen has some of these symptoms does not necessarily mean they are depressed, however, these symptoms likely warrant further investigation): Sadness, anger, irritability, moodiness, loss of energy, withdrawing from people or things they used to enjoy, feelings of worthlessness, missing school, “not caring” anymore about school or personal appearance, somatic complaints. If your teenager is having thoughts of death or suicide you should seek professional support and help immediately and not try to manage this type of situation on your own. If they are experiencing some of the other symptoms mentioned, try to talk with them about what they are experiencing in a supportive manner. If needed, speak with a professional or their doctor to make sure they are not in need of professional support.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Parents Need Time Outs Too!

Parents need time outs too! There are inevitably times when you will have a strong reaction, feel overwhelmed or feel “out of control” due to your teen’s behaviors. In such situations, it can be very helpful to take a time out. You might go for a walk, go in the bathroom and take a bath or run cold water on your face, go for a drive, go to a quiet place in the house and read a book – the important things is that you take a break from whatever is causing the stress so that you can feel calmer before reacting or responding to the situation. Doing this will make your response more appropriate and meaningful to your teen.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

They Are Not "Bad Kids"

Don’t ever tell your teen they are a “bad kid”. In addition, don’t treat them like they are a “bad kid”. If your teen believes this is how you feel about them, they will live up to (or in this case, down to) your expectation and they will play the role of a “bad kid”. No matter how hard things get or how frustrating their behaviors are, you should continue to notice the positives in them. They will sense that you do not look down on them and that you still see their positive qualities. It can make a huge difference in their overall self perception and identity, even if they are having some other difficulties.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Protect But Don't Overprotect

As a parent you want to protect your child and make sure they are safe, however, you do not want to become overprotective. Overprotective parents don’t allow their child to experience the normal challenges of life which may result in disappointment, failure and sadness. In addition, being overprotective can result in teenagers not experiencing the natural consequences of poor decision making which is a valuable lesson to learn. It is important to see the value in children experiencing both life’s ups and downs and appreciating the life lessons they learn in both.

Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Teens Are Expensive!

Does your teenager think you have endless amounts of money? Do they think that you are the worst parent in the world if you won’t give them money for the latest gadget or thing that “everyone else in the whole world has” so therefore they also “have to have”. Teens need to learn delayed gratification and that there are limits to what they can have. Saying no, helping them budget or make choices or helping them wait until a special event are all great ways of teaching your teen the meaning of money and of patience. The key is that if you say no to buying them something, you cannot then “give in” and go buy it because they are continuing to badger you or make you feel guilty about your decision. Be consistent and stick to what you said!


Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!

Getting Support For Yourself

You should seek outside help for your teen if they have become violent or aggressive, are regularly using or abusing drugs or alcohol, if they are running away, if they are getting involved with the law, if you are feeling like you need to resort to violence as a means of managing their behavior or if you feel they are engaging in other risky or dangerous behaviors. The consequences of not addressing such behaviors can be significant and parents in this situation are in need of outside, professional support to help get things back on track for their teen and for their family as a whole.

For further information or to sign up for our free bi-weekly newsletter go to the Elite Life Coaching website.

Saying "NO" And Sticking To It

Learning to say “NO” to your teenager can be a huge challenge. Teenagers don’t like hearing the word NO and can be pretty creative in getting parents to change their minds or in wearing their parents down until they say “YES”. While this can be an exhausting process at first – it is important that if you say NO to something that you stand firm in your decision. Get support from others if needed but after a several times of saying NO and really meaning it (meaning you don’t give in or change your mind), your teen will learn that NO really does mean NO and they will stop their efforts to badger you and wear you down.

For further information or to sign up for our free bi-weekly newsletter go to the Elite Life Coaching website.

Addressing Suspicions of Substance Use or Abuse

If you suspect your teenager is using drugs or alcohol, you should not look the other way. In addition, you should not address this issue with them unless your own emotions are under control. The most effective approach is when parents confront their teens with suspicions or concerns of substance use in a calm and supportive manner, letting their teen know they are worried, but also that they still love them and don’t think negatively of them as a person for using substances.

For further information or to sign up for our free bi-weekly newsletter go to the Elite Life Coaching website.

Validating Your Teenager

How do you “validate your teenager”? This is a skill that improves over time. It is being able to tell them you appreciate how they are feeling about something whether you agree or disagree. For example: saying, “that must be really hard to have your friend push you away the way they are doing” instead of saying, “you should be glad that person does not want to be friends with you anyway, they were nothing but trouble”. In the first example, you are telling your teenager that you are hearing what they are saying and that you understand which goes a long, long way with teens!

For further information or to sign up for our free bi-weekly newsletter go to the Elite Life Coaching website.

Just Listen To Them

Many parents struggle with getting their teenager to talk to them, which is ironic because teenagers are usually pretty self absorbed and think they are at the center of the world. A tip to get your teenager to talk to you is to just listen. Don’t judge or try to give lectures or advice (unless they are asking) but rather just listen, show interest and validate what they are saying.

For further information or to sign up for our free bi-weekly newsletter go to the Elite Life Coaching website.

Get To Know Their Friends and Connect

Invite your teenager’s friends to dinner. This is a great way to connect with your teenager and also to let them know that you are interested in what is important to them. It is important to make sure you do not embarrass your teenager with too many questions or embarrassing stories from their past when meeting their friends (and remember, they are very sensitive!) or else they will make sure they keep their friends away in the future.

Giving Teens Choices

Giving teens choices is important. This helps them learn to make healthy decisions and learn to deal with the natural consequences of their choices. Try to think of areas where you can give your teen choices which may stop them from arguing about everything while also helping them learn responsibility.

For further information or to sign up for our free bi-weekly newsletter go to the Elite Life Coaching website.

Connecting With Your Teenager

Even if your teenager is pulling away, it is important to work to spend quality time checking in with them with them each and every day. Knowing your teenager – what they like, don’t like, how they are doing in school and with friends makes a big difference in the overall impact of your parenting. Make sure you are checking in with your teenager (while not being overbearing), even if they respond in a way that makes you feel like you are a nuisance.

For further information or to sign up for our free bi-weekly newsletter go to the Elite Life Coaching website.