Teens who cut or burn themselves usually keep this behavior very secretive and cut in places that are covered by clothes because they are ashamed of their behavior and know that it is not socially acceptable. It may be difficult for parents to pick up on warning signs because often times these teens appear to be doing well and are not displaying any apparent signs of distress. It is important to note that any of the signs below alone is not necessarily cause for alarm, however, noticing several of these signs in your teen may be cause for concern:
1. Wearing long sleeve shirts or pants even when it is very warm out
2. Acting vague and evasive or angry when asked about cuts, burns or scabs
3. Refusing to wear a bathing suit in the summer (not related to being embarrassed by their weight) when typically they have enjoyed swimming
4. Keeping of razors or lighters in their room
5. Appearing more secretive than they usually do – spending a lot of time alone in their room
6. Disposing of bloody tissues in their room or bathroom
7. Associating with a peer who is known to self injure
8. Being suspected by anyone of self injuring (friends, teachers, family, etc)
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Showing posts with label parenting support. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting support. Show all posts
Friday, November 26, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Conflict Among Parents
Despite how difficult such situations are, it is critical that parents do not let their children witness their conflicts. I cannot tell you the number of children who I have seen for therapy who are emotionally damaged and extremely confused because their parents constantly argue and say negative, rude and disrespectful things about one another. I am not suggesting that it is easy to keep all of these emotions to oneself, however, these emotions should be shared with other adults or professionals and not with one’s children.
Some tips for parenting if you are a parent in this situation:
1. Speaking with the other parent: if you know that you become easily emotionally charged when speaking with your child’s other parent then it is important that you have these conversations when not in the presence of your child. It is never in a teenagers best interest to witness situations where parents become negative, yell, say negative things or become verbally abusive towards one another. The damage from this can last years and can even impact your child’s ability to form healthy, trusting relationships as an adult.
2. Feeling like the other parent is undermining what you are trying to do: often times in these situations a dynamic gets set up where there is a “good parent” and a “bad parent”. Generally the “good parent” lets their teenager do what they want and does not have a lot of rules or consequences while the “bad parent” attempts to maintain rules and structure for their teenager. In these situations, it is really important that both parents figure out a way to come to SOME agreement about rules and expectations. Sometimes this can be done through a third party (therapist, friend, etc) which can eliminate conflict – what is important though is that it is done. When going through this process, pick the things that really matter and allow yourself to let some other things go. For example: it would be important for parents to agree that their teen must be getting passing grades and send this message consistently to their teenager while it may be okay for parents to not agree on how neat their teenager needs to keep their room in each of their homes if they are living separately.
3. Feeling like your teenager should know what the other parent is doing or did: parents often feel like it is important for their teenager to know that the other parent only visits with them because they are mandated to do so or that they are not paying what they are supposed to be paying each month. In some situations, parents feel like they need to tell their teenager all the awful things that the other parent did to them. In these situations, who is really benefiting from your telling your teenager these things? Usually, it is the parent who is benefiting because they are reacting to strong, negative emotions they are feeling. What I have found over the years is that in the end, teenagers and young adults know what is going on and ultimately know which parent is consistent and which one is not. In addition, I have found that teenagers become very resentful of parents who bad mouth one another (even if what is being said is true) because it causes them a lot of confusion and feelings of betrayal by both parents. Teenagers will figure this out over time and will be much better off if they see that their two parents are able to be civil and respectful of one another while in their presence.
Of course if you ever truly believe someone is doing something that harmful, illegal or significantly damaging to your child you should take immediate steps to make sure your child is safe.
Some tips for parenting if you are a parent in this situation:
1. Speaking with the other parent: if you know that you become easily emotionally charged when speaking with your child’s other parent then it is important that you have these conversations when not in the presence of your child. It is never in a teenagers best interest to witness situations where parents become negative, yell, say negative things or become verbally abusive towards one another. The damage from this can last years and can even impact your child’s ability to form healthy, trusting relationships as an adult.
2. Feeling like the other parent is undermining what you are trying to do: often times in these situations a dynamic gets set up where there is a “good parent” and a “bad parent”. Generally the “good parent” lets their teenager do what they want and does not have a lot of rules or consequences while the “bad parent” attempts to maintain rules and structure for their teenager. In these situations, it is really important that both parents figure out a way to come to SOME agreement about rules and expectations. Sometimes this can be done through a third party (therapist, friend, etc) which can eliminate conflict – what is important though is that it is done. When going through this process, pick the things that really matter and allow yourself to let some other things go. For example: it would be important for parents to agree that their teen must be getting passing grades and send this message consistently to their teenager while it may be okay for parents to not agree on how neat their teenager needs to keep their room in each of their homes if they are living separately.
3. Feeling like your teenager should know what the other parent is doing or did: parents often feel like it is important for their teenager to know that the other parent only visits with them because they are mandated to do so or that they are not paying what they are supposed to be paying each month. In some situations, parents feel like they need to tell their teenager all the awful things that the other parent did to them. In these situations, who is really benefiting from your telling your teenager these things? Usually, it is the parent who is benefiting because they are reacting to strong, negative emotions they are feeling. What I have found over the years is that in the end, teenagers and young adults know what is going on and ultimately know which parent is consistent and which one is not. In addition, I have found that teenagers become very resentful of parents who bad mouth one another (even if what is being said is true) because it causes them a lot of confusion and feelings of betrayal by both parents. Teenagers will figure this out over time and will be much better off if they see that their two parents are able to be civil and respectful of one another while in their presence.
Of course if you ever truly believe someone is doing something that harmful, illegal or significantly damaging to your child you should take immediate steps to make sure your child is safe.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
5 FINAL Tips for Reducing Arguing With Your Teenager
1. Remain sitting if at all possible when your teen is arguing with you – this will help them feel less threatened and view you as being calmer which may work to help them calm down as well.
2. Try not to take things personally. Often teens will say hurtful and mean things to parents which is not acceptable or okay in my opinion. Despite this, it is important that parents do not respond out of emotion. It is more helpful for parents to let their teen know how their words impacted them and that it is not acceptable during a non-emotional time rather than to try to tackle this issue when your teen is already upset and not listening to you. Using tip 10 can be effective at this point in an argument.
3. Validate your teenager even if you don’t agree with everything they are saying. Having your teen feel heard is often more important than having them feel like you agree with what they are saying.
4. Do your best to communicate with your teenager during non-confrontational times. Having regular communication (perhaps at family dinners) will help them communicate effectively with you ongoing so that you are not only communicating during emotional times.
5. Pick your battles. Your teenager will test you with what they wear, their music and subjects they bring up just to name a few. Be thoughtful about the battles you want to fight and know that much of the time they are just testing the waters and trying to figure out who they are which will pass in a short period of time.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
2. Try not to take things personally. Often teens will say hurtful and mean things to parents which is not acceptable or okay in my opinion. Despite this, it is important that parents do not respond out of emotion. It is more helpful for parents to let their teen know how their words impacted them and that it is not acceptable during a non-emotional time rather than to try to tackle this issue when your teen is already upset and not listening to you. Using tip 10 can be effective at this point in an argument.
3. Validate your teenager even if you don’t agree with everything they are saying. Having your teen feel heard is often more important than having them feel like you agree with what they are saying.
4. Do your best to communicate with your teenager during non-confrontational times. Having regular communication (perhaps at family dinners) will help them communicate effectively with you ongoing so that you are not only communicating during emotional times.
5. Pick your battles. Your teenager will test you with what they wear, their music and subjects they bring up just to name a few. Be thoughtful about the battles you want to fight and know that much of the time they are just testing the waters and trying to figure out who they are which will pass in a short period of time.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
5 More Tips To Reduce Arguing With Your Teen
Below are 5 additional tips to reduce arguing with your teenger:
1. Offer choices whenever possible and allow compromises when possible.
2. Accept that your teenager is not going to talk to you about everything. Pushing them to talk about topics which are uncomfortable or upsetting will often result in their lashing out at you. Obviously if you are concerned about their safety you will need to push them, however, if your interest in a certain topic is more out of curiosity, sometimes it is better to just leave the topic alone than to argue with them about it.
3. Regardless of how loud your teen is yelling, keep your voice low. Your teen will have to lower their own voice to hear you and in addition, just speaking softly can lower the tension in the room.
4. Try to use “I” statements rather than blaming statements. For example, you may say, “I get really worried about you when you don’t come home for your curfew” instead of “You keep messing up by coming in late for your curfew”. In both situations, you are letting them know it is unacceptable but it is harder for them to argue the “I” statement which is less blaming.
5. If your teenager is getting really out of control, tell them that you are ending the conversation for 10 minutes until everyone calms down some and then you will be willing to revisit the conversation (this may mean you need to go into the bathroom or go for a drive to allow for this break and to physically move from the situation).
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Offer choices whenever possible and allow compromises when possible.
2. Accept that your teenager is not going to talk to you about everything. Pushing them to talk about topics which are uncomfortable or upsetting will often result in their lashing out at you. Obviously if you are concerned about their safety you will need to push them, however, if your interest in a certain topic is more out of curiosity, sometimes it is better to just leave the topic alone than to argue with them about it.
3. Regardless of how loud your teen is yelling, keep your voice low. Your teen will have to lower their own voice to hear you and in addition, just speaking softly can lower the tension in the room.
4. Try to use “I” statements rather than blaming statements. For example, you may say, “I get really worried about you when you don’t come home for your curfew” instead of “You keep messing up by coming in late for your curfew”. In both situations, you are letting them know it is unacceptable but it is harder for them to argue the “I” statement which is less blaming.
5. If your teenager is getting really out of control, tell them that you are ending the conversation for 10 minutes until everyone calms down some and then you will be willing to revisit the conversation (this may mean you need to go into the bathroom or go for a drive to allow for this break and to physically move from the situation).
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
5 Tips Reduce Arguing With Your Teenager
For many parents of teenagers, the frequent conflict and arguing can be overwhelming. Below are some tips that can significantly reduce overall arguing with your teenager.
Tips For Parents To Minimize Arguing:
1. Allow everyone to have a fair opportunity to say what they would like to say. Don’t just keep talking and repeating the same thing over and over without giving your teenager an opportunity to express their thoughts or how they feel.
2. Do your best not to interrupt when your teen is speaking their mind – this will increase the chances that they will listen while you speak.
3. Let your teenager know that you cannot speak to them when they are yelling and respond effectively when they stop yelling. Praise them during times when they are able to express themselves effectively.
4. Do your best to stick to the point and not bring up the past, other situations or bring others into the conversation unless it directly relates to them.
5. During arguments, never “put down” or make fun of your teenager.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Tips For Parents To Minimize Arguing:
1. Allow everyone to have a fair opportunity to say what they would like to say. Don’t just keep talking and repeating the same thing over and over without giving your teenager an opportunity to express their thoughts or how they feel.
2. Do your best not to interrupt when your teen is speaking their mind – this will increase the chances that they will listen while you speak.
3. Let your teenager know that you cannot speak to them when they are yelling and respond effectively when they stop yelling. Praise them during times when they are able to express themselves effectively.
4. Do your best to stick to the point and not bring up the past, other situations or bring others into the conversation unless it directly relates to them.
5. During arguments, never “put down” or make fun of your teenager.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Improve Communication With "Door Openers"
“Door Openers" versus“Door Slammers”: Door Openers are phrases and words which are open ended and allow your teenager to share their thoughts and feelings on a subject. For example: “Do you want to talk about it?”, “What do you think about this?”, “I think you may be able to help us out with this, what are your ideas?” These phrases let your teen know you value what they think and does not send them the message that you are trying to control them. Door Slammers are phrases and words that shut down conversations and make teenagers feel powerless or unimportant. For example: “That is none of your business”, “I don’t care what your friends are able to do”, “Don’t come crying to me when you mess this up”, “We are not going to talk about this again”. These phrases and words generally come out during times of frustration (and are very normal so don’t feel bad if you have used them) but generally create more tension and frustration for teens who are already feeling confused and powerless in their lives.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Don't Act Out Of Strong Emotion
This can be extremely difficult when your teenager pushes your buttons or makes a decision which is harmful or highly inappropriate. As a parent who cares deeply about their child, of course you are going to be emotional (angry, scared, disappointed, frustrated) when these things happen which is normal and not a problem at all. What does sometimes become a problem is when parents act out of these strong emotions. In these situations parents often times say things that they later regret, however, even with an apology, their teen who already has insecure and fragile self esteem will hang onto the emotional response which can damage the parent – teen relationship. It is better to take time to calm down, gather your thoughts (even write them down so that you remain on track when speaking with your teenager) and then speak with your teenager about the situation.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Do You Have A Short Fuse
It’s easy to lose your patience quickly when there have been several troubling behaviors, when there has been a lot of arguing or questioning of your authority or when you are just plain exhausted. If you are noticing that you have a “short fuse”, try to explore what may be at the root of it and address it if you can. In the meantime, allow yourself time to relax and set limits on others so that you are not feeling as overwhelmed. Some suggestions for doing this include: saying “no” to someone who asks you for a favor, going for a short walk by yourself, asking others for help or giving yourself time out alone or with adult friends.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Give Praise For Positive Behavior
No matter what is going on in your lives, it is important that you give your teenager praise for the things they do right. “Catch them being good” and let them know you recognize it. Many teens feel that everything they do is wrong (and often times it feels like this is the case), however, as the parent you want to make sure that they do not begin to see themselves as “all bad” or as a “bad kid”. By noting the positive and reinforcing that your teenager’s positive actions are an important part of them you will both improve their self esteem and promote more positive behaviors. We generally get more of whatever we are focusing on so…if you want more good…put some focus on the good.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Talk...Don't Yell
This is often easier said than done as the parent of a teenager due to your level of frustration at times. Generally if someone is yelling, the other person tunes them out which is no different with your teenager. If you are screaming at them, they will likely scream back or shut down – both responses indicate that they are not hearing what you are saying and even if they hear your words, they are certainly not internalizing them. If you find yourself getting to the point where you are yelling or screaming, it is okay to say to your teenager, “I really don’t want to be yelling at you so I am going to take a little time to cool down and then I hope that we can discuss this respectfully”. This is teaching your teen positive communication skills instead of aggressive ones, showing them that you respect them and will likely make for a much more positive discussion.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Just Talk With Your Teen
Many parents feel that they have lost touch with their teenager and that there is no communication between themselves and their teenager – and they are likely right. Many parents find that the only time they are talking to their teenager is to address difficult issues, to issue them consequences or to tell them the things they are doing wrong. It is good to talk about light subjects that are non-threatening and fun to discuss so that when the time comes to discuss the difficult issues, your teenager is more tolerant and comfortable. Talk about a TV show, the weather, music, what other relatives are doing, how your day was a work…really anything…what is important is that you are working to communicate with your teenager on an ongoing basis.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Teens And Swearing
Some parents become very frustrated that their teenager is swearing and does not respond to their request to stop. Teens often minimize the impact swearing can have on others and rationalize this behavior by saying everyone does it, pointing out when you swear, saying it is not hurting anyone, etc. However, as we all know, swearing can put others off, create significant problems with school or work and is generally not socially acceptable so you are wise to work with your teen to eliminate this behavior. Some suggestions for extinguishing this behavior are:
1. Speaking with them calmly and respectfully about why this behavior is not acceptable in your home and let them know that you have the same “no swearing” expectation for everyone in the house. (of course, if you or another adult in the home swears regularly you will likely have a hard time with this and will likely not be able to get your teenager to stop swearing)
2. Create consequences for swearing that are fair, consistent and reasonable. Be clear with your teenager about what your expectations are and what the consequences will be for not following your expectations. (for more information about setting appropriate and enforceable consequences go to www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with tips and action steps you can take)
3. Follow through! As always, this is the most critical step in effective parenting of teenagers.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Speaking with them calmly and respectfully about why this behavior is not acceptable in your home and let them know that you have the same “no swearing” expectation for everyone in the house. (of course, if you or another adult in the home swears regularly you will likely have a hard time with this and will likely not be able to get your teenager to stop swearing)
2. Create consequences for swearing that are fair, consistent and reasonable. Be clear with your teenager about what your expectations are and what the consequences will be for not following your expectations. (for more information about setting appropriate and enforceable consequences go to www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with tips and action steps you can take)
3. Follow through! As always, this is the most critical step in effective parenting of teenagers.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Being Supportive To Your Teenager
There are many tips and ways of being supportive to your teen which will continue to be shared in this blog. Below are three that are very important and that can really make a difference in your overall relationship with your teen.
1. Validate them – let them know that you understand and that you can appreciate what they are experiencing.
2. Empathize – let them know that you understand the emotions they are feeling and know that they are real and often times very painful or difficult.
3. Show them unconditional love - even when they are trying your patience or when they have made a poor decision, let them know that you love them and always will.
For more details on how to develop these skills check out www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with practical tips about how to use these skills with your teenager.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Validate them – let them know that you understand and that you can appreciate what they are experiencing.
2. Empathize – let them know that you understand the emotions they are feeling and know that they are real and often times very painful or difficult.
3. Show them unconditional love - even when they are trying your patience or when they have made a poor decision, let them know that you love them and always will.
For more details on how to develop these skills check out www.elite-life-coaching.com and look at the many newsletters with practical tips about how to use these skills with your teenager.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
What To Do If You Lose Your Cool
As a parent, there will be times when you lose your cool. Your teenager will frustrate you so much you will react out of emotion and say things you would not normally say, do things you would not normally do or yell and make threats you regret. Your strong emotions likely come for your love and concern for your teen and your worry about them when they are making poor decisions or they are not respecting you or your rules. Again, this happens to most parents, however, what is important is that you recognize it and really make an effort to not allow yourself to react in that way again. Some steps you can take if you have been in this situation:
1. Acknowledge it with your teenager – let them know that you are sorry for being emotional, tell them that you get upset like that because you love them, worry about them, etc. and tell them that you will work hard to make sure you do not respond out of emotions like that again (this is being a great role model for them).
2. Don’t let your guilt about the situation make you give in – you may feel really bad that you were hurtful, however, this does not likely change the situation which resulted in your outburst in the first place. So…you should apologize but not give in out of guilt since consistency is one of the most important tools you have.
3. Make a plan for next time – it is likely that your teen will push your buttons again so it is helpful to have a plan for what you will do the next time. Be able to recognize when you are getting to that point and take a break, leave the room, tell your teen you will talk to them in a little bit when you are feeling calmer, go outside and breath some fresh air, try some deep breathing, etc.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Acknowledge it with your teenager – let them know that you are sorry for being emotional, tell them that you get upset like that because you love them, worry about them, etc. and tell them that you will work hard to make sure you do not respond out of emotions like that again (this is being a great role model for them).
2. Don’t let your guilt about the situation make you give in – you may feel really bad that you were hurtful, however, this does not likely change the situation which resulted in your outburst in the first place. So…you should apologize but not give in out of guilt since consistency is one of the most important tools you have.
3. Make a plan for next time – it is likely that your teen will push your buttons again so it is helpful to have a plan for what you will do the next time. Be able to recognize when you are getting to that point and take a break, leave the room, tell your teen you will talk to them in a little bit when you are feeling calmer, go outside and breath some fresh air, try some deep breathing, etc.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Do You Lose Your Cool?
How to recognize if you are going to lose your cool because you are so upset with your teen
Let’s face it, your teenager can push your buttons like nobody else can which can result in you exploding. There are some signs you can watch for which likely come before the big explosion which will cue you into the fact that you should calm down before responding.
1. Look for physical cues – what happens to your body when you are getting ready to blow? Some common physical cues are feeling hot, heart beating faster, clenching fists or jaw or feeling tense all over. It is helpful to be able to recognize your physical cues as they are often the earliest warning sign that you are going to lose your cool.
2. Notice if you are raising your voice, slamming things down, slamming doors, etc. These are more obvious signs that you are in a fairly high emotional state.
3. Notice if you are making threats or saying things that are hurtful or things you would not normally say. This is usually a sign that you are feeling desperate to get through to your teenager because you feel like they are not hearing or understanding your point of view.
Being able to recognize these signs early on can help you put the brakes on the situation so that you can take some time to calm down and respond in a thoughtful and productive manner. Generally when we respond out of anger or other strong emotions, we are less effective and less productive in accomplishing whatever we are trying to accomplish.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Let’s face it, your teenager can push your buttons like nobody else can which can result in you exploding. There are some signs you can watch for which likely come before the big explosion which will cue you into the fact that you should calm down before responding.
1. Look for physical cues – what happens to your body when you are getting ready to blow? Some common physical cues are feeling hot, heart beating faster, clenching fists or jaw or feeling tense all over. It is helpful to be able to recognize your physical cues as they are often the earliest warning sign that you are going to lose your cool.
2. Notice if you are raising your voice, slamming things down, slamming doors, etc. These are more obvious signs that you are in a fairly high emotional state.
3. Notice if you are making threats or saying things that are hurtful or things you would not normally say. This is usually a sign that you are feeling desperate to get through to your teenager because you feel like they are not hearing or understanding your point of view.
Being able to recognize these signs early on can help you put the brakes on the situation so that you can take some time to calm down and respond in a thoughtful and productive manner. Generally when we respond out of anger or other strong emotions, we are less effective and less productive in accomplishing whatever we are trying to accomplish.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Your Teens Friends At Your House
As a parent, it is important that you get to know your child’s friends and that you show your child that their friends are welcome into your home (assuming you approve of these friends of course). However, you should not feel like you need to open up your house like it is a clubhouse where your teen’s friends hang out all the time. Often times parents are guilted by their teens into allowing their friends over all the time. As the parent, you should clearly set some parameters around this to make sure that your family has private (more peaceful!) time and that your teen’s friends do not just show up anytime they feel like it. Establish a process by which your teenager needs to ask for permission (preferably not when their friends are standing at your front door) ahead of time, set some limits around sleepovers, time you expect friends to leave, rides, etc. Having these guidelines and enforcing them consistently will reduce arguing and will allow you to manage when you have company instead of having your teenager manage this.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Teens and Money
Does your teenager think you have endless amounts of money? Do they think that you are the worst parent in the world if you won't give them money for the latest gadget or things that "everyone else in the whole world has" so therefore they also "have to have"? Teens need to learn delayed gratification and that there are limits to what they can have. Saying no, helping them budget or make choices about what they get in addition to having them wait until a special event are all graet ways of teaching your teen the meaning of money and of patience. The key is that if you say no to buying them something, you cannot then "give in" and go buy it because they have continued to badger you or have made you feel guilty about your decision. Be consistent and stick to what you said!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Getting Homework Done
Are you constantly battling with your teenager about doing homework? Do you feel like a broken record every night? If so, you are not alone. Getting teens to do their homework, worrying about their grades and trying to juggle everything else in your life can be overwhelming and frustrating to say the least. One thing to consider is that it is hard for them to be motivated to do homework after being in school all day doing work so try to be patient and validate their perspective. Some things that may help are:
1. Have a set homework time built into your routine each day - the more structure the better. But….allow your teen to pick the time they want to do their homework and give them a chance to follow through. (obviously if they do not, they you should intervene)
2. Praise them for the times they are doing their homework. Notice when they are doing things right and acknowledge that they are working hard.
3. Be consistent. If you tell them that they will lose their phone if they do not pass a test or hand in assignments then follow through with this each and every time. The thought of really losing their phone may very well motivate them to get their homework done.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Have a set homework time built into your routine each day - the more structure the better. But….allow your teen to pick the time they want to do their homework and give them a chance to follow through. (obviously if they do not, they you should intervene)
2. Praise them for the times they are doing their homework. Notice when they are doing things right and acknowledge that they are working hard.
3. Be consistent. If you tell them that they will lose their phone if they do not pass a test or hand in assignments then follow through with this each and every time. The thought of really losing their phone may very well motivate them to get their homework done.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Praise Your Teen
As difficult as this can be at times, praising your teenager can make a significant difference in your relationship with them. What parents often struggle with is finding something to praise when there are so many behaviors they would like to see changed. While this is true and working on the negative behaviors needs to happen ongoing, it is also important that you notice the things they are doing right and the things you appreciate about them. "Catch Them Being Good!". Take a few moments and think about something that your teen has done recently that you appreciate or something about them as a person that you appreciate and then think about how you can share this with them.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Be Consistent!
Does your teenager think you have endless amounts of money? Do they think that you are the worst parent in the world if you won’t give them money for the latest gadget or thing that “everyone else in the whole world has” so therefore they also “have to have”. Teens need to learn delayed gratification and that there are limits to what they can have. Saying no, helping them budget or make choices or helping them wait until a special event are all great ways of teaching your teen the meaning of money and of patience. The key is that if you say no to buying them something, you cannot then “give in” and go buy it because they are continuing to badger you or make you feel guilty about your decision. Be consistent and stick to what you said!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
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