Drill Sergeant Parents
If you think about the role of a drill sergeant, it is to give orders and tell others what to do and to punish those who do not follow exact orders. This is what “Drill Sergeant Parents” do with their teenagers. Drill Sergeant Parents believe that the more they discipline and control their teenagers, the better their children will turn out.
Teenagers of Drill Sergeant Parents never learn how to make their own decisions because their decisions are made for them in a demanding and sometimes very controlling manner. Punishment is often used for failure to follow expectations which, in teens, does not typically promote thoughtful reflection – it promotes resentment. Teenagers of Drill Sergeant Parents are not taught how to express themselves appropriately (because they are not given a chance) and never really learn about decision making or consequences for poor decisions because their parents control those aspects or their lives.
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Monday, November 8, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Parenting Your Teen: Are You A Helicopter Parent
Helicopter Parents
If you think about the role of a helicopter it is to hover, watch, protect and rescue. This is what “Helicopter Parents” do with their teenagers. On the surface Helicopter Parents appear to be very involved and supportive of their teenagers, however, what ends up happening is that they do so much for their teenager that their teenagers don’t get to experience real life, worry, pain or consequences because their parents are jumping in and protecting them when difficult situations arise.
Helicopter Parents are very afraid of their children failing so they rescue them out of worry, guilt or because they want to be needed by their children. These parents are genuinely concerned and love their children, however, they prevent their children from becoming responsible because they are always there as a safety net. Parents who continue to drive their teenagers to school when they repeatedly wake up late and miss the bus or who continue to give their teenagers extra money when they overspend their allowance or money from a part time job are considered Helicopter Parents.
The teens of these parents never learn what it is like to have to make up for their mistakes or experience discomfort because they made poor decisions. The bigger problem arises when the “helicopter” is no longer in their lives and all of the sudden they are adults who have no concept of what it means to be truly responsible for themselves.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
If you think about the role of a helicopter it is to hover, watch, protect and rescue. This is what “Helicopter Parents” do with their teenagers. On the surface Helicopter Parents appear to be very involved and supportive of their teenagers, however, what ends up happening is that they do so much for their teenager that their teenagers don’t get to experience real life, worry, pain or consequences because their parents are jumping in and protecting them when difficult situations arise.
Helicopter Parents are very afraid of their children failing so they rescue them out of worry, guilt or because they want to be needed by their children. These parents are genuinely concerned and love their children, however, they prevent their children from becoming responsible because they are always there as a safety net. Parents who continue to drive their teenagers to school when they repeatedly wake up late and miss the bus or who continue to give their teenagers extra money when they overspend their allowance or money from a part time job are considered Helicopter Parents.
The teens of these parents never learn what it is like to have to make up for their mistakes or experience discomfort because they made poor decisions. The bigger problem arises when the “helicopter” is no longer in their lives and all of the sudden they are adults who have no concept of what it means to be truly responsible for themselves.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Is Your Teen Embarrassed By You?
Many parents feel hurt because their teens, who used to idolize them and want to be around them, now do everything they can to avoid being sen by their parents. As many know, this is a normal teenage behavior and is developmental - meaning that most teenagers grow out of this upon reaching adulthood if not before.
The following are a few helpful tips for parents who are feeling like their teenager is embarrassed of them:
1. Don’t take it personally. It is a phase that teens go through and the majority of children begin seeking the companionship of their parents again in their early to mid 20’s. Many adult children consider their parents their best friends.
2. Don’t try to explain yourself or prove yourself as “cool”. It is not worth it and remember – it is likely not about anything specific you are doing. Not trying to justify yourself will save you from further frustration.
3. Check to make sure you are not actually doing anything embarrassing to your teenager – especially in front of friends. If you find that you are (telling stories about them, babying them in front of friends, etc) you may want to think about changing what you are doing. Even though it is likely harmless, remember that teenagers are extremely sensitive and insecure and can be devastated by such situations.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
The following are a few helpful tips for parents who are feeling like their teenager is embarrassed of them:
1. Don’t take it personally. It is a phase that teens go through and the majority of children begin seeking the companionship of their parents again in their early to mid 20’s. Many adult children consider their parents their best friends.
2. Don’t try to explain yourself or prove yourself as “cool”. It is not worth it and remember – it is likely not about anything specific you are doing. Not trying to justify yourself will save you from further frustration.
3. Check to make sure you are not actually doing anything embarrassing to your teenager – especially in front of friends. If you find that you are (telling stories about them, babying them in front of friends, etc) you may want to think about changing what you are doing. Even though it is likely harmless, remember that teenagers are extremely sensitive and insecure and can be devastated by such situations.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
5 FINAL Tips for Reducing Arguing With Your Teenager
1. Remain sitting if at all possible when your teen is arguing with you – this will help them feel less threatened and view you as being calmer which may work to help them calm down as well.
2. Try not to take things personally. Often teens will say hurtful and mean things to parents which is not acceptable or okay in my opinion. Despite this, it is important that parents do not respond out of emotion. It is more helpful for parents to let their teen know how their words impacted them and that it is not acceptable during a non-emotional time rather than to try to tackle this issue when your teen is already upset and not listening to you. Using tip 10 can be effective at this point in an argument.
3. Validate your teenager even if you don’t agree with everything they are saying. Having your teen feel heard is often more important than having them feel like you agree with what they are saying.
4. Do your best to communicate with your teenager during non-confrontational times. Having regular communication (perhaps at family dinners) will help them communicate effectively with you ongoing so that you are not only communicating during emotional times.
5. Pick your battles. Your teenager will test you with what they wear, their music and subjects they bring up just to name a few. Be thoughtful about the battles you want to fight and know that much of the time they are just testing the waters and trying to figure out who they are which will pass in a short period of time.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
2. Try not to take things personally. Often teens will say hurtful and mean things to parents which is not acceptable or okay in my opinion. Despite this, it is important that parents do not respond out of emotion. It is more helpful for parents to let their teen know how their words impacted them and that it is not acceptable during a non-emotional time rather than to try to tackle this issue when your teen is already upset and not listening to you. Using tip 10 can be effective at this point in an argument.
3. Validate your teenager even if you don’t agree with everything they are saying. Having your teen feel heard is often more important than having them feel like you agree with what they are saying.
4. Do your best to communicate with your teenager during non-confrontational times. Having regular communication (perhaps at family dinners) will help them communicate effectively with you ongoing so that you are not only communicating during emotional times.
5. Pick your battles. Your teenager will test you with what they wear, their music and subjects they bring up just to name a few. Be thoughtful about the battles you want to fight and know that much of the time they are just testing the waters and trying to figure out who they are which will pass in a short period of time.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
5 More Tips To Reduce Arguing With Your Teen
Below are 5 additional tips to reduce arguing with your teenger:
1. Offer choices whenever possible and allow compromises when possible.
2. Accept that your teenager is not going to talk to you about everything. Pushing them to talk about topics which are uncomfortable or upsetting will often result in their lashing out at you. Obviously if you are concerned about their safety you will need to push them, however, if your interest in a certain topic is more out of curiosity, sometimes it is better to just leave the topic alone than to argue with them about it.
3. Regardless of how loud your teen is yelling, keep your voice low. Your teen will have to lower their own voice to hear you and in addition, just speaking softly can lower the tension in the room.
4. Try to use “I” statements rather than blaming statements. For example, you may say, “I get really worried about you when you don’t come home for your curfew” instead of “You keep messing up by coming in late for your curfew”. In both situations, you are letting them know it is unacceptable but it is harder for them to argue the “I” statement which is less blaming.
5. If your teenager is getting really out of control, tell them that you are ending the conversation for 10 minutes until everyone calms down some and then you will be willing to revisit the conversation (this may mean you need to go into the bathroom or go for a drive to allow for this break and to physically move from the situation).
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Offer choices whenever possible and allow compromises when possible.
2. Accept that your teenager is not going to talk to you about everything. Pushing them to talk about topics which are uncomfortable or upsetting will often result in their lashing out at you. Obviously if you are concerned about their safety you will need to push them, however, if your interest in a certain topic is more out of curiosity, sometimes it is better to just leave the topic alone than to argue with them about it.
3. Regardless of how loud your teen is yelling, keep your voice low. Your teen will have to lower their own voice to hear you and in addition, just speaking softly can lower the tension in the room.
4. Try to use “I” statements rather than blaming statements. For example, you may say, “I get really worried about you when you don’t come home for your curfew” instead of “You keep messing up by coming in late for your curfew”. In both situations, you are letting them know it is unacceptable but it is harder for them to argue the “I” statement which is less blaming.
5. If your teenager is getting really out of control, tell them that you are ending the conversation for 10 minutes until everyone calms down some and then you will be willing to revisit the conversation (this may mean you need to go into the bathroom or go for a drive to allow for this break and to physically move from the situation).
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
5 Tips Reduce Arguing With Your Teenager
For many parents of teenagers, the frequent conflict and arguing can be overwhelming. Below are some tips that can significantly reduce overall arguing with your teenager.
Tips For Parents To Minimize Arguing:
1. Allow everyone to have a fair opportunity to say what they would like to say. Don’t just keep talking and repeating the same thing over and over without giving your teenager an opportunity to express their thoughts or how they feel.
2. Do your best not to interrupt when your teen is speaking their mind – this will increase the chances that they will listen while you speak.
3. Let your teenager know that you cannot speak to them when they are yelling and respond effectively when they stop yelling. Praise them during times when they are able to express themselves effectively.
4. Do your best to stick to the point and not bring up the past, other situations or bring others into the conversation unless it directly relates to them.
5. During arguments, never “put down” or make fun of your teenager.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Tips For Parents To Minimize Arguing:
1. Allow everyone to have a fair opportunity to say what they would like to say. Don’t just keep talking and repeating the same thing over and over without giving your teenager an opportunity to express their thoughts or how they feel.
2. Do your best not to interrupt when your teen is speaking their mind – this will increase the chances that they will listen while you speak.
3. Let your teenager know that you cannot speak to them when they are yelling and respond effectively when they stop yelling. Praise them during times when they are able to express themselves effectively.
4. Do your best to stick to the point and not bring up the past, other situations or bring others into the conversation unless it directly relates to them.
5. During arguments, never “put down” or make fun of your teenager.
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Eating Disorders: Signs and Symptoms In Teens
As a parent it is helpful to know some of the actual Signs and Symptoms of and Eating Disorder which include (this list is not meant to be inclusive):
1. Abnormal weight loss of 25% or more without any medical explanation
2. A noticeable reduction in food intake and /or a denial of hunger
3. Prolonged exercise despite exhaustion, fatigue or weakness
4. Intense fears about gaining weight
5. Purging after meals
6. Binging sometimes and then restricting food significantly at other times
7. Unusual patterns of handling food or eating food
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
1. Abnormal weight loss of 25% or more without any medical explanation
2. A noticeable reduction in food intake and /or a denial of hunger
3. Prolonged exercise despite exhaustion, fatigue or weakness
4. Intense fears about gaining weight
5. Purging after meals
6. Binging sometimes and then restricting food significantly at other times
7. Unusual patterns of handling food or eating food
Go to Elite Life Coaching for additional parenting resources, to sign up for our newsletter and to get information on our coaching packages and specials!
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